Okay, so here is a bit of a rant on questions. Why is it that whenever I see people, after the perfunctory hey, how ya doing? the next topic of conversation is how's your thesis going? Or, have you heard anything from Iowa yet? Or, worst of all - What are you going to do next?
People let me answer them all: My thesis is going practically nowhere because my topic seems to have no roots. I haven't heard anything from Iowa yet, but I am not worried really (except when people ask me) because if I don't get in I will reapply for 2007 and take a year and work and make money. And I honestly don't KNOW what I will do next. I have no 1, 5, or 10 year plan, I am basically trying to recover from a divorce and major shifting life change, in which my family has apparently learned I can 1. Make big mistakes 2. Fix them by myself (sort of) 3. They don't like me and 4. I am imcompetent - which I believe that they honestly think I am. Apparently I do not give off the vibe of competent adult. I am still stuck at 10 with my family or something.
-Also, I know that many people find a relationship with god; religion; etc. comforting and helpful in life. But why does that automatically mean that I will? The other day I am walking along and these people ask if I want a bible. Now, I have two bibles at home - a St. James version and the Catholic version.I rarely read them unless I want to get a migraine. Why do I want another, pocket sized one, that is merely the New Testament. If I want myths and parables, etc. I at least want the full-sized version. Also, I am taking a Religion in America course and really thinking about this whole religion thing and feeling quite cynical. I am finding out where doctrines, traditions, beliefs, etc. came from and I am skeptical that there is any type of communication from god involved in any of them. In fact, I am starting to wonder if the whole idea of god is a colossal joke.
-I had a point but my rant has obscured it. Oh, basically, I am thinking that my life is very similar to the anti-intellectualism of some religions. This must be necessary for religion. Namely because once you start reading about the history of the church, where some things came from, the differences and contradictions in the bible, etc. through education and knowledge questions arise in your mind about religion - at least organized religion if not god.
-I also dislike organized religions because of the sexism, patriarchy, hypocrisy, and intolerance.
Okay, my rant is done. I realize that this probably sounds horrible to many people but I feel better.
5 comments:
I am going to start a first comment because I realize I made a mistake - my life is more intellectual and some religious people hate that. Not my life is very anti-intellectual. I was ranting and got confused.
hee. Brad and I had a convo yesterday which ended with him mad at me. It started with "well, I'm afraid of dying because I dont know what comes next. Will I roast in eternal fire? Will I be reincarnated? Will everything just end for me" and him freaking out that I have no faith. I'm not sure my problem is a lack of faith so much as an overabundance of knowledge. Like, how arrogant is it to say that my religion is more right than someone else's religion? For instance, Hinduism is thousands of years older than Christianity, so why is Christianity right and Hinduism wrong? I'm not sure. And the fact that I dont know bothers me. And that's all I have to say, about that. :-)
oops. I'm on brad's computer and didnt realize he was signed in. That was Sara!!!!
Wow, and I thought I was the ONLY sane one in the family that felt the same as you just ranted about. Hehehe. Chin up sis, things mellow when you get old. Trust me, I've mellowed! LOL
I don't think the idea of God is so much a joke as it is a comfort. I think it helps alleviate peoples' fears about death, and the oh so messed up world we live in, to believe that it gets better after life is over. Though I would never presume that this is the sole reason for believing in God. Religion as a whole is a fascinating thing, but people have screwed it up, just like we screw everything else up. It is the one thing we can all say we have truly succeeded at. And that may in fact be where your family issues come from--we hate to see people we love screw up. However, I think it is important to screw up as much as possible, learn from it and move on. Oh, and give others the freedom to do so as well.
Post a Comment