Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Lawyers and Letting Go

So, today is the day. I see my lawyer to discuss, in person, what I should do about my ex-husband. I am inclined to be really mean - to ask for him to be arrested if it's possible, etc. But then I waiver because I know that my things aren't at the house - he has taken them somewhere else. Because I am moving on with my life and maybe being as vindictive as he is won't help. And then I think - maybe it will. Maybe I need to get angry and not vindictive. Maybe he needs to take some responsibility for the things he does wrong, and maybe I need to finally stand up for myself. The meeting is this morning. I am nervous.

I have found out things throughout this whole process of divorce like:
1. Pay attention to yourself, and don't shove doubts inside thinking that they don't matter. Listen to your inner voice even if it sounds crazy.
2. Some men are extremely vindictive, especially the ones that apparently wanted to control you. These are usually the men who blame you for things like pulling a gun on you, or aiding in the ruin (too strong a word though - the screw up?) of a family.
3. Some things you will always wonder - like, if you had gotten shot, would your brother love you, better yet, LIKE you, again, and perhaps even agree that your decisions are your own, even if he doesn't know the reasons for them?
4. Lawyers are extremely intimidating, even the ones you like, and you should dress cute - yet somewhat professionally. I am wearing khakis and a cute fuschia shirt.
5. You really find out who you can count on.
6. Always have a towel!

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

While I definitely agree he needs to take responsibility for his actions, I don't think stooping to his level is the best thing to do. Throughout all of this you have been able to be sure of one thing---that you are the better person. Anger is okay though. If you feel angry then go with it. I have never understood why some people believe that feeling anger about something is a bad thing. Can it be? Yes, if you let it get out of control, but anything out of control tends to be a bad thing I think. So get angry, if that is how you feel, but I think the best revenge is to just be happy. So do whatever it takes for you to be happy. Oh, and you know it was Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy that taught you to always have a towel.

Bishniak said...

There's a difference between vindictive and petty. Getting the prick arrrested is not petty. He deserves that for the run around he's giving you. He's trying to control the situation, and you have to show him that you're not going to put up with it. I'd say give him another chance, but that just prolongs what you need done. It's time to worry only about you. To hell with him, you want this over with. I'd pull no punches in getting that accomplished.
I'd see if your lawyer could get a search warrant for the house next time so that if he's not there, well the cops can go in and help you anyway.

1. Good Point, unfortunately most of humanity has to go through hell & back to learn that one
2. Some women can be this way as well.
3. Best not to dwell on "what if's" specially ones that serious.
4. answered earlier i think
5. Indeed. This and #1 are the most important points to learn.
6. okay, this ranks above #1 & #5.

Nathan said...

One day. When I'm a lawyer, I will expect you to dress cute and professionally every single time I see you, otherwise I will be intentionally intimidating!