Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Alice: Three Months

To my Readers: How sad is it that the only thing I post anymore are monthly birthday letters to my baby? I'll try to do better. At least maybe I can post daily baby posts...Hee.


Dear Alice,

You are 12 weeks old this month (On a Tuesday again, on the 3rd of April - awesome). We went to the doctor for your two month check up and you weighed over twelve pounds and were two inches longer. And that was only a month ago. Now, thanks to the scale in our bathroom and a dedicated father who weighed you both and then just himself and then DID MATH we know you weight almost 15 lbs. Holy cow! I am looking forward to finding out what the doctor says you weigh in 2 weeks, but since that will also involve shots I am just as happy guesstimating at home.

Anyway, the doctor declared you very healthy, although we told her we were concerned about silent reflux - you just seemed so unhappy and didn't like to lie down and were really having trouble sleeping. And so she wrote us a prescription for Zantac and suddenly you're much happier. Not to say you don't cry - you do, and it's so sad for us, because you have real tears now and you just look so unhappy, with a screwed up little face - but it's a lot rarer and even when you're really tired you are generally in a good mood. Perhaps you just grew out of some of it as well, now that you're awake more and want to learn about things and look around.

On Sunday March 31, at 11:40 am you laughed out loud for the first time while you were awake. It was glorious! Amazing! Confusing!? - What did we do? Nothing special that we can see. We have yet to make you laugh again not matter what we try. And Mommy tries All. The. Time. So please, try to do that again. And again and again, because it's so much better than the crying and it just makes us giddy to hear it.

Usually, we can tell when you're trying to laugh when you're naked at bath time. You love your naked times and you love a bath. Daddy and I usually do it together and you grin up at us and watch the shower curtain and it calms you right down. You are definitely a water baby - you love baths and getting into the shower with me or Daddy, and sometimes when we can't comfort you any other way, we will just sit with you or sway with you in the bathroom when the water is running and you calm right down. I can't wait to take you swimming this summer! We even have the cutest swimsuit for you.

A few weeks ago you finally got to meet more of your family. We all went to the zoo and you got to meet your boy cousins, Dalton and Tristan and Colin, and your Aunt Jackie and her fiance Arden, and your Uncle Rick. It was such a fun day, even though your naps were short and made you a very tired baby that night.

Your cousin Dalton especially liked you - he wanted to hold your hand all the way through the zoo, and he was so sweet with you. I can't wait until you're a little bigger so I can watch all of you play together, even though they're so much older than you. But speaking of playmates, you'll soon get one in the form of an honorary cousin because your Aunt Kay (mommy's known- the- longest best friend) is pregnant. Her baby will only be ten months older than you and we're already planning playdates!

For a little while, I thought we had your sleeping worked out. Almost every night for a week you'd go to bed after our routine and sleep for four or five hours. Sometimes only three, but nothing less than that. And you sleep in your big girl crib too - which looks so huge when you're in it. So we were really happy and you seemed to be getting better at it. But after those first hours, you'd be up and then it seemed harder for you to sleep for a longer period of time. You move around and get unswaddled and wake yourself up and in general just don't sleep for more than two hours in a row after about midnight. And mommy just doesn't know what to do except get up and try to get you back to sleep. But I think you will probably outgrow this little conundrum and so even at 3 in the morning, I try to remember that you are still tiny and not used to a crib or sleeping on your back. Even the doctor says she wouldn't expect you to be sleeping through the night until almost 4 months anyway.

The last week of March was a week you and I had a with just me and you, because Daddy was out of town. And somehow, we made it through. Usually Daddy makes sure that there is food in the house and he and you have time together in the mornings when Mommy sleeps in a bit. But while he was gone, we did just fine. At first, you were confused - when I'd play you the recording of him reading Good Night Moon to you, you looked around but didn't see him and you were like - where IS he? And your sleeping was all shot - I think not having him around really upset your little world. So you usually ended up snuggling with mommy in her bed so that we both got some extra sleep. We played, and read books, and had baths, and smiled and went to the zoo and had lunch with your Grandpa and Grandma.

You are really making sure that my pledge to be more patient and loving and thoughtful is carried through when it comes to the sleeping thing. I sometimes get so frustrated, but not at you - at ME! I wonder what it is that I'm doing or not doing that makes it hard for you to sleep or if you slept well, what it was that I did or didn't do that made it better for you to sleep. And I know that really, it's probably not in my control, it's just you learning about the world. But then I worry that you can sense how frustrated I get and I worry some more. It's a vicious cycle.

But I am proud of myself because every day I try to grow and do better and be a good mommy to you and I think I am succeeding. And thanks to Daddy being understanding and supportive, I will get to stay at home with you and continue to work on that, because two weeks ago I gave notice at my job. It was a hard decision, because I really want you to look up to me as a role model and I think seeing a mommy work hard at something other than being a mommy (whether it is at a job or at a friendship or at volunteering) is a really good experience for little girls (and boys too!). But when I thought about going back to work with you still so little, and with Daddy's schedule being so busy, and all the driving I'd have to do, well, staying home was really the best decision.

This month was your first Easter, and even though Daddy said it didn't matter because you were too little to know better, I got you a tiny basket. It only had hair bows and a stuffed animal that we technically already had and a card from Daddy and me, NOT the Easter bunny. I took pictures for your baby book and we all went to brunch with Daddy's family and then we took you to see your Grandpa Rick and Grandma Pat. You wore an adorable dress and were so good, even though you barely napped all day. I was so proud of you. And this is one of our first good family pictures together and don't we look nice?! I'm only sorry we forgot to put the flower back on your head, because you looked even more adorable with it on. Oh well.

I love you so much, more every day, and I just can't wait to see what you will do next. When you are nursing and fall asleep, I look down at you and watch you make those little sleep smiles and listen to the sighs of contentment you make and I think, "I'm doing a good job." And so I know that the future is going to be so interesting and so fun. I look forward to all the milestones and the simple things I will experience being with you and yet I also don't want you to get any bigger because I love you just as you are right now. So hurry and don't grow, okay?