Oh The Games She Can Play

Did you know that six-week olds like to play games with their parents heads? Why, yes, my child is exceptional in that area, thankyouverymuch....

Last night we thought we'd turned some kind of sleep corner. Okay, I thought we'd turned some kind of sleep corner I have no idea what the husband thought. At 8 pm, we had the little girl swaddled and in bed. Asleep. By herself. No mommy (normally I go to bed with her, because, let's face it, no one likes zombie-mommy and with at least three night-time feedings, that's what I'd be in the morning without going to bed with the wee one). Nope, mommy was feeling pretty good and decided to stay up with daddy and watch an episode and a half of the West Wing. Ha! Hahahaha....we thought - wow, maybe this is a turning point. She'll start going to bed and we'll have a little time to ourselves to talk (except I don't think we have anything to talk about, which is kind of sad)...

She slept. And woke up and then put herself BACK TO SLEEP. I have a child prodigy at six weeks old! And then I went to bed and fell asleep and at 11 she woke up. And proceeded to nurse and then fall asleep. And then I'd put her in bed and she'd sleep for ten minutes and then flail around, kicking and grunting and rolling her head back and forth and wake herself up.

Lather, rinse, repeat until 3 am. This is why co-sleeping was started, I just know it, because of exhausted moms, worn out by babies who clearly have their own agenda and it's totally revenge because MOM STAYED WITH DAD AND NOT WITH ME! Finally, I brought her in next to me, still swaddled, and let her sleep curled up on my arm. Away from all pillows (really comfy for mommy, let me tell you). But we both slept for about an hour and half and then I woke up and was like, hey, she's still swaddled. Try to put her in bed! HA again...that wasn't going to happen. Change, nurse, burp...and FINALLY back to bed at 4:30. She then slept pretty well until 7ish, woke up at 7:30 and nursed again.

So I've been up since 7:30. On very little sleep. Not that it's the amount of sleep - it's the disruptions. I think I'd be fine if I could get four hours of uninterrupted sleep every night. Not fully functioning or anything - no higher brain power. But fine.

Oh well - I'll sleep when she's in college, right?

It Has to Be a Stage, Right?

Do six-week olds go through stages? I mean, I've heard of the Terrible Twos and the even worse, Tantrumy Threes....but the Sleeping Six-Weeks I haven't heard of...but surely, this will pass.

For the last few days, poor little Alice has been having horrible gas (at least that's all we can conclude from her behavior and the diapers we get in the morning). All the information we found says that it's a particular stage of growth, right around 6-8 weeks, the digestive system is finishing up the maturation process and then it should get better. But it makes for some difficult times for mommy and daddy.

And it means that she doesn't sleep as well on her own during the day. At night, she seems fine. By the time bedtime rolls around (we thought it would be around 7:30, based on her sleeping cues, but no, it's right around 9), she gets swaddled and put into bed after eating usually and sleeps soundly for three hours. Last night, not so soundly. But better after the midnight feeding. So during the day, she seems to sleep well only on mommy. Makes typing a bitch.....I have to keep on trying though, to convince her that her napper on the couch is a good place to sleep so mommy can, you know, eat and shower and such.

Alice: One Month

Today (okay, so technically it was Tuesday, or if you want to go by dates, it will be tomorrow) you are one month old. It seems like only yesterday I was heading into the hospital and your dad and I were meeting you.

I'm not going to lie: we've all had to do some adjusting. For one thing, sleep! It's not that you don't like to sleep, but you tend to only do so in two hour increments (at MOST) and so mommy didn't get a whole lot of sleep that first two weeks because she was breastfeeding. I have to say though, I didn't mind. But boy, it was exhausting. And I think you were exhausted too - all that growing you've had to do and keep on doing! But now, mommy is doing a little better because she's started using the pump and that means Daddy can feed you every once in awhile.

I'm still a little nervous doing some things - like leaving you alone in your bassinet while I spend time with Daddy. Every little peep you make makes me want to leap to your side to check on you. And going out alone with you - we've made a couple of trips together: to see Daddy at work, to go to the doctor when I was worried because you were so much more fussy....slowly, we'll go out more I think....when I gain more confidence (and get that mirror up in the car!).

But we are going out more with Daddy. You've already been to the zoo on a nice day, in the Moby (something ELSE mommy needs to learn how to do by herself, so that we can go on walks - but it's complicated apparently).



But every day I get to watch you grow and change and get more used to me and your daddy and your surroundings. I keep waiting for you to smile at me - I think it happened once, when I was sticking my tongue out at you, so that you could mimic me, but I don't know if it was intentional. You're focusing on things more, including my face, which is an incredible feeling because I know you KNOW me.

You really tend to hate tummy time - but you have pretty good neck muscles already and the other day you practically pushed yourself up with your arms. Probably a fluke, but I was very impressed. And boy can you scream! It seems like every night around 9 pm, you decide you don't want to go to bed after all, no matter how tired you are, and you cry and fuss and scream even, until we're all tired and worried and occasionally even mommy has to cry because she doesn't know what is wrong. Usually it lasts less than an hour, but sometimes it's longer, with you calming down until you're juuuuussssttt asleep and then you'll suddenly realize it and wake up and cry again. It can just break our hearts. But I think we'll be okay in time.

You and I are getting used to being alone in the apartment all day too - now that Daddy is back at work. I think you miss him during the day and that contributes to your evening fussiness - after all, why would you want to sleep just after Daddy gets home?! But again, I think that will change once you get used to it and you and I start having more adventures during the day.

You've already grown so much and are becoming a chubby little baby instead of our skinny newborn (10 lbs. already: not that I'm surprised because you love the boob!). I honestly can't wait to see how you grow up and what you'll be like once you start waking up even more during the days (and hopefully sleeping more at night!). I love you, sweetheart. Happy One-Month Birthday!

Alice

For my first post of the new year, I've decided to write out my birth story. Or, perhaps, Alice and I's birth story. Certainly, I've had some requests on Facebook.

Worries

I'll start by getting in a little bit of back story. That's right - I'm going to make you wait a bit before I get to the good stuff! Many of you might already know that my doctor was concerned about possible preeclampsia. I was diagnosed with gestational hypertension after several erratic blood pressure readings, right around 34 weeks. So I started doing the once a week appointments earlier than normal. There was more testing, and every week I had a biophysical profile done to monitor little MCO's (or the future Alice) movements and the level of amniotic fluid. We got a LOT of ultrasound pics actually. Anyway, because the signs of danger weren't there, my doctor's hands were tied for inducing me immediately at full-term, but she also felt that going past the safest date (39 weeks) would also be a risk; plus, I was getting tons of tests every week and was eventually on bed rest and all that. So, at my 38th week appointment she checked to see how dilated/effaced etc. I was (as is pretty standard). I had only progressed from about 1/2 cm. dilated to 1 cm dilated, and was barely effaced at all.

She thought that unless MCO came beforehand (not looking likely), she'd induce me sometime in my 39th week.

There - back story done. :-)

The Good Part

I made it to 39 weeks, and my doc told us she'd scheduled the induction for the 2nd of January. I'd go in that evening, and "ripen" and then she'd break my water and start Pitocin to get contractions going if I needed it. I should mention here that I was NOT looking forward to being induced. I did not want to be induced, although I was very anxious to meet MCO and to stop having to worry about risks. But I'd heard that inductions can make labor very long, and that Pitocin can make contractions extremely intense, meaning I'd probably end up asking for an epidural before I really wanted one. I wanted to go as unmedicated for as long as possible, in case it ended up slowing down labor.

On January 2nd, I continued my bed rest and tried to relax and not be too nervous/excited/scared....N. went into to work for a half day to make sure things were in order and then came home and made cookies for us to give to the nurses. Yes, that's right, we aren't above bribery. The afternoon seriously dragged on. But and here's the fun part - I was having contractions. They had started that morning, but weren't anything I hadn't had before so I thought it was just Braxton-Hicks or false labor. But they got progressively more frequent and intense, even painful. As we got closer to the scheduled appointment, we figured we'd make sure to mention that I thought I was in labor, but we didn't do any timing or anything until we'd left the apartment to go to dinner. We had a very quick dinner, because the contractions I was having were definitely coming faster and were more painful. Then we headed to the hospital and checked in, filled out paperwork, etc.

Our room was ready almost immediately and I got all ready. The on-call doctor checked, since I'd told them I had been having regular contractions and confirmed it - I was in labor already, dilated to 3 1/2 cm.! No induction for me after all. I was extremely excited, and both N. and I were amazed and happy. After a few hours of contractions however, I was getting more tired and really hurting. I finally broke down and had an epidural after quite a few hours. Pretty proud of myself for waiting so long, actually, but maybe it only felt really long. The epidural made everything easier and both N. and I tried to rest that night - he managed an hour or two of sleep, I dozed off and on, and basically we were just in a waiting game for me to keep progressing - pretty much on schedule actually. Around 3 am or so, it stopped. The next check actually broke my water, so we figured I'd progress more after that but not really. The nurses kept coming in to check on me, of course, and finally the doc decided that I'd start on Pitocin. Luckily, I'd already had the epidural.

When my OB finally got there, around 9, she announced I was pretty much ready to push. They started getting everything ready for the actual delivery and there was quite a flurry of excitement in the room. I was damn nervous about the actual pushing, since the labor had ended up being much easier than I expected (those epidurals are pretty awesome after all). I knew something had to be hard; they don't call it labor for nothing. After quite a few pushes, my doctor announced that I still had quite a bit to do, and left to check up on some other patients while the nurses and my incredible husband stayed with me to keep pushing. All of them commented on how wonderful a coach he was, and he was - it was amazing. I do have to say though, no matter how encouraging our great nurse was, I kept getting annoyed every time she'd say "You're so close - she's almost here!" And then I had to keep pushing. Every time she'd say that I expected the doctors and other nurses to be running into the room, with the baby's head barely getting caught. But no. After 2 hours of pushing, which felt like 20 minutes, I swear!, the doctor was back, the nurses were back and finally when she said, "you're so close" it was true. At 11:09 am, Alice Louise Regan Wyant was born.

She weighed just under 7 lbs. (they rounded it up) and was 20 inches long. They laid her down on my chest with her little hat on, and wrapped in a blanket, and we just stared at each other and at her daddy. I'll never forget that moment as long as I live.

Now, we're home, almost 2 weeks have gone by. I still can't believe that I'm no longer pregnant, except I have the evidence against my chest right now. I've been hit by the baby blues - a lot of crying spells, which is hard for N., I think, and definitely for me, since I feel out of control...but they're subsiding a lot. I'm sad to think I'll never be pregnant for the first time ever again - it was an amazing experience, one I hadn't counted on really enjoying so much as experiencing until the "real" one came along - and I had a husband who made it even more wonderful as the weeks went on. I never expected to like it so much. Despite the stress and worry of the last weeks of my pregnancy, it is one of the times I'd live over again - several times, I think. I am going to miss it and how my husband and I planned for it, and were so excited, and all that. But I now get to really look forward to getting to know Alice - who is helping me type this, by the way, and find out what she's really like. She's absolutely beautiful.

Aren't I Just Horrible

I mean, it used to be I couldn't wait to write a new post. I had a folder with topics I wanted to put on my blog. But then, of course, life got in the way what with all the stuff going on, and the fact that now we don't really have a lot of people that read/comment on blogs anymore apparently (and I don't mean just my blog, but the blogs of friends of mine, which are in even more dire straits than mine - I don't think some of my friends even realize that their blogs are still out there!). But I do have things to post, and I try to post updates on my pregnancy so that later I can read them and think, shamed, 'You should have just written a pregnancy journal.'

Of course, I've never once been able to write in a journal on a regular basis, so I don't know how that would be different - but hey, at least I am ahead of the curve on mommy-guilt.

I've now progressed to weekly appointments with my doctor. I'm also having weekly ultrasounds (doctor-ordered) to check on the level of amniotic fluid and little MCO's movements and such. The doctor is being cautious and watching me for preeclampsia - my blood pressure is erratic and keeps going higher than she'd like. I'm now diagnosed with gestational hypertension in fact. Luckily, the little one kicking at my ribs is doing fine and seems healthy. It's just me and my body being frustrating and annoying.

Today it was high again, and so my doctor pulled me off work. I was due to go on maternity leave after next weekend anyway, so it isn't a huge deal, but that means I'm behind on what I wanted to finish and my co-workers have to pick up some major slack in the next week or two before my "replacement" begins in January. It does give me time to obsess about what we do or don't have done for when she gets here and to worry about labor and delivery, but hey- isn't that what life is all about?!

Christmas is almost here - or, Saturnalia or Festivus, or Winter Solstice, or Hanukkah, or... (there are a lot of holidays in the winter isn't there?!) and I'm looking forward to it and yet feel somewhat sad, as this will be the first year I'm not with my family on the actual day. It's that inevitable thing that happens in adulthood, but it's still bittersweet. I'm sure husband and I will have lots of fun together, and with his family, and with friends, but it never seems to feel the same as when you're a kid.

At any rate, I've now posted. Will try to post more as the due date gets closer, cause I really want to see if people will bet on it.

Thanksgiving and Pregnancy

How was Thanksgiving for all of you? I spent the day (and the night before) in Great Bend hanging out with my family, eating too much and playing the Wii. I did feel bad because I'm not able to be as active with the nieces and nephews now that I'm all huge and I have to take it easy (more on that later) but I think we all had a good time. Definitely one of my favorite holidays - a good start to Christmas anyway. And yes, I have my tree up already and am slowly decorating with my other Christmas things. In the spirit of inclusion (and because I'm not religious so I can have the freedom to do things like this) I have thought about getting a Menorah and putting that out - but haven't so far.

Slowly, our apartment is starting to look lived in instead of chaotic - books are being put away, we're getting things in their proper places. I always forget how long that takes. Moving is always bad but I think unpacking and finding where things have to go is worse.

Pregnancy update: I am now taking if easy (which basically means not moving as much and reading on the couch more) at least until this Thursday. At my last prenatal, the doctor was concerned about the fact that I had some major swelling in my ankles and feet coupled with erratic blood pressure readings - some were higher than normal. She is worried it might be a sign of pre-eclampsia and I am now having a biophysical profile on Thursday, consisting of a sonogram to make sure there is enough blood flow to placenta and such and a non-stress test, and will probably be seeing her every week (which I would have started soon anyway). I was a little freaked, but I think it's just a precaution, since I don't have any of the other signs and little MCO is moving and kicking like crazy.

I am also about ready to start maternity leave - I plan on talking with my boss and getting my last day settled very soon (preferably this week sometime). I want to make sure I get my two programs in December done and then I think I can relax a bit about leaving my job.

So I think that's it - Happy Holiday season all of you; good luck with shopping and scheduling, and decorating, and baking, and all the rest of it! I am looking forward to all of it, plus, hopefully, an end to this pregnancy (eventually...cause geez, I'm huge!)

The MONKEYS ARE HERE

So I'm perusing my pregnancy website today (thebump.com - thank you for asking) and it told me I only have 53 days left until my due date. 53 DAYS! That is a month and a half (if that!). In around four weeks I will be AT FULL-TERM. I am serious - in say, four weeks, it is possible I could go into labor and actually have a newborn. I am not prepared, despite two wonderful baby showers and a host of extremely supportive people. But...

I don't have a crib set up yet.
The car seat isn't in the car.
Baby clothes aren't washed, I haven't pre-registered at the hospital/birth care center, and I haven't packed a hospital bag! Panic is starting to set in - and yet, when you say I'm due in January - well, that is sooo far away - NO, NO, IT'S NOT! That is 53 days away!!!

And I am also starting to realize I will have to actually HAVE this baby, by means of labor and you know, pushing. And pain (at least some, even if I decide to do an epidural). And probably yucky, gross, bodily fluids.
You're saying that clearly, I should have known that, I who have read the pregnancy books cover-to-cover? Who took the childbirth class and SAW the video. Who has older sisters and listened to their stories and asked questions. PLEASE -

Yes, yes, I KNEW that, you know, in a kind of "I KNOW that there are monkeys in South America, but that is so far away" way and now:
The monkeys are here and they're stealing my bananas!