Friday, March 31, 2006

Happy and Sad

Well, I decided on Wednesday that I just can't handle the workload I put on myself in January. I was really struggling to finish the assignments in my classes (and I don't really need them, cause I have all my hours) so I decided to withdraw from the Religion in America class. It is a really, really, interesting and fun class but I just couldn't do the work properly. So, I am happy, cause now I feel a bit more in control and relaxed about being able to work on my thesis and such. But I am sad, cause this feels a bit like a failure, and it was a great class with a great professor and I will miss it. Anyway, today should be a fun day. I am having lunch and seeing a movie with my sister today and she is going to tell me all about her wild trip to Texas. Ahh, to live vicariously through others.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

I have been trying very hard to be healthy and my diet is working out much better than I thought. Apparently, being a poor graduate student means that I eat better because I can't afford to go out every night for junk food (aka. yummy McDonald's fries!) I actually ate something good for me this morning, and sadly my coffee addiction seems to be weakening (I believe people need some type of addiction to food and/or beverages, it seems to make them nicer) But the exercising is a problem. I spent an hour using the elliptical trainer at WSU last night and went home feeling that fantastic high. But I have this dreadful feeling I will relapse and become more lazy. Now that it's getting warmer, I can hear the siren call of running, so that will be nice. Also, I just want to put in here that Jerry Shaw, the instructor that I do SI for (he's 1/2 Osage Indian) is just great! I am really going to miss him next semester when I'm at Iowa. And I dropped one of my classes, which leaves this huge space of research time so that's good - instead of reading for the class I can read for my thesis. I just hope I don't use the time unwisely, which I am wont to do. Have a good Thursday people!

Wednesday, March 29, 2006


I sometimes think I am losing my mind. I know for a fact that I had an exam I was supposed to work on. It's just changing some answers and getting some extra points from the professor, but it will help my grade. As such, I was all set to do it today, but I can't find it. I know I had it. I know I put it in the apartment. I know that I can't find it. So, of course, instead of being my fairly organized self (I really don't know what has happened to me!) I have lost something fairly important. Talk about annoyed. In futher news, if you saw my last post, so far, the SELF Challenge has stalled. I am eating better, but the exercising hasn't hit a routine schedule yet. I wish I had a buddy to do it with. Anyway, life goes on.

the SELF Challenge

Okay, all of my girlfriends who want to look and feel better I want you to go to and join the SELF Challenge. It's a three month health and fitness challenge that I've signed up for. I think it will help me lose weight, eat better, feel better, and basically, be at least partly a psychologist and help me get rid of stress. I also think that it will be more fun if any of you that join and I can keep track of our progress (they have a section for us pals!) and also email each other constant encouragement and commiserating stories. I know that it may be difficult to fit into schedules and to stay on track; I think all of us together can do it though. Also, any friends who are close to me in distance - we'll work out together sometimes. And guys, you can do it too! That's my pep talk post.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Check this out and say YAY


Okay, at the risk of sounding like a broken record...what the hell is going on!?! I was just on my way down to the car dealership to get George fixed (the car, not a real guy!) and there's one guy..standing on the side of the road holding an anti-choice, pro-life, anti-abortion, whatever you want to call it sign. I actually couldn't see exactly what it said, so I sorta felt sorry for him cause I don't think anyone could get his message going forty miles an hour or whatever. And then, I started thinking about how he would feel if someone was HAVE to get a vasectomy..messing around with his body..becasue they believed it was wrong for guys to have sperm. I realize I'm rambling here but I just got so annoyed. I also have a question: why is it that there are so few women that bomb clinics and harass the women who go there - even if they're just going for birth control or some other type of help. I mean, I know that there are women opposed to abortion. Surely they're just as adamant as the men, so why is it that it is mainly men (I am not trying to be all sexist) who do the violence? Is it a testosterone thing? A threatened by women's ability to make their own choices thing? A frustration thing? An all three thing? I just get so annoyed. Okay..enough with the rant. Sorry people for those of you tired of this topic. But I've started to become a little more activist-minded on this issue.

I have figured it out
Okay, people,go the quiz and then tell me how you stand - liberal or conservative. I have my own ideas about it, and I think I will be accurate. Or, I will be totally wrong! Have fun!

Monday, March 27, 2006

Hey guys,,,let me know your results

1. Generally, do you tend to trust or distrust government's ability to solve problems?

2. Which do you trust more:
The Pentagon or
The U.S. Postal Service?
The executive branch or
The legislative branch?
The FBI or
The IRS?
The CIA or
The Peace Corps?
The Joint Chiefs or
The United Nations?

3. What about private institutions and people? Which do you trust more?
Trial Lawyers or
Union leaders or
Business executives?
Professional athletes or
Team owners?

4. The federal government should do more to solve the nation's problems even if it means higher taxes on (pick as many as you want.):
Big corporations
The weathly
The Middle Class
Small Businesses

5. Where should government be cut? (pick as many as you want.)
Eliminate farm subsidies
Eliminate subsidies to the arts
Abolish public broadcasting
Cut entitlement programs (Social Security, Medicaid, etc.)
Cut defense spending
Reduce welfare spending
Reduce foreign aid
Keep illegal immigrants from receiving public education
Reduce environmental regulation
Cut taxes
Don't cut at all

6. Which would do more to guarantee competitive elections?
Term limits
Public Financing

7. Who was a better president?
Ronald Reagan
Franklin D. Roosevelt

8. Do you see the ideal America as an ethnic "melting pot" in which religious, cultural and ethnic distinctions are blurred, or as a nation in which ethnically diverse groups ought to coexist while retaining their cultural identity?
Melting pot
Multicultural society

9. Whose political views do you consider more extreme, those of (former) Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders or the Rev. Pat Robertson?

10. Which would curb violent crime most?
Stricter controls on the sale of guns
Mandatory sentences for those who use guns in the commission of a crime

11. In the long run, do you think we can reduce crime more by building more prisons or providing more financial assistance to rebuilding our inner cities?
Build prisons
Rebuild cities

12. Even if it means cutting programs, spending must be cut to reduce the federal deficit.
Agree Disagree

13. The federal government is too big.
Agree Disagree

14. U.S. interests are more seriously at stake in Haiti than they are in Korea.
Agree Disagree

15. Gays and lesbians should be able to marry or at least be treated as married under law if they so desire.
Agree Disagree

16. The news media is dominated by liberals.
Agree Disagree

17. The religious right is a threat to our political system.
Agree Disagree

18. The federal government should include funds to make abortion services part of any standard benefits package in health care reform.
Agree Disagree

19. Deceptive political campain commercials should be banned.
Agree Disagree

20. Graphic pornography should be banned.
Agree Disagree

21. As a society, we should spend more money trying to find a cure for AIDS than for cancer and heart disease because AIDS threatens younger people.
Agree Disagree

22. Talk radio shows should be regulated to ensure both sides of a debate are represented, because talk radio has an unhealthy impact on the political process.
Agree Disagree

23. The breakdown of the traditional family is the most serious domestic crisis facing our society.
Agree Disagree

24. Woman and racial minorities should be given preferences in hiring until we achieve true gender and racial equality in America.
Agree Disagree

25. Certain environmental problems call for government action, even if it means new programs or increased taxes.
Agree Disagree

Click the Calculate Results button to receive your score. Respondents with the most points (40) are 100 percent conservative; those with the least (0) are 100 percent liberal. See where you fall on the chart below.

Your Score:
Jackson 0
Kennedy 5
Clinton 10
Powell 20
Bush 25
Kemp 30
Dole 35
Reagan 40

0 5 10 15 20 25 30 35 40
And here's a quote I really like to think's Robert Ingersoll. It's just an interesting concept, although I will say that religion gives some people a lot of comfort and guidance, so it's not that bad.

"We have already compared the benefits of theology and science. When the theologian governed the world, it was covered with huts and hovels for the many, palaces and cathedrals for the few. To nearly all the children of men, reading and writing were unknown arts. The poor were clad in rags and skins -- they devoured crusts, and gnawed bones. The day of Science dawned, and the luxuries of a century ago are the necessities of to-day. Men in the middle ranks of life have more of the conveniences and elegancies than the princes and kings of the theological times. But above and over all this, is the development of mind. There is more of value in the brain of an average man of to-day -- of a master-mechanic, of a chemist, of a naturalist, of an inventor, than there was in the brain of the world four hundred years ago.
These blessings did not fall from the skies. These benefits did not drop from the outstretched hands of priests. They were not found in cathedrals or behind altars -- neither were they searched for with holy candles. They were not discovered by the closed eyes of prayer, nor did they come in answer to superstitious supplication. They are the children of freedom, the gifts of reason, observation and experience -- and for them all, man is indebted to man."


I spent a lovely Sunday going over the exams I have graded and then getting ready for a new school week. But, unfortunately, my Monday began with the professor telling me that I need to erase the grades and put them on yellow sticky sheets. So I did them incorrectly. He was totally nice about it however. Probably cause I worked so hard. In other things, I have been reading a lot about nature religions and they're soooo interesting. I picked up a couple of books on Wicca in the library. Should be cool reading. oh, and I have a few quotes.
Who Said It?
"Give to every other human being every right that you claim for yourself."
I really like this know, sort of love your neighbor as yourself type, only with constitutional applications!

"The greatest test of courage on earth is to bear defeat without losing heart."

Friday, March 24, 2006

So all things new and old

Anyway, I realized that I have not actually been posting at all this week...and sadly my only excuse is that I was busy being lazy and enjoying spring break. I haven't been too lazy...but it sure feels that way. Anyway, for news: my older sister got a cute little terrier puppy and if I could add pictures I would show them. Nick and I ended up not going to Iowa for a variety of reasons but are going in two weeks. Tonight is my sister-in-laws birthday party and while I am looking forward to spending time with the family and celebrating with the kiddos..I am also really not excited, which is sad, cause I can remember a time in the not too distant past when doing things like this was the height of my fun days! I guess it has to do with the fact that the people I want to see will be there, and people I don't really want to see will also be there. I went for a run today..nothing fancy, maybe a mile and a half or less and now feel fat and old, and out of shape. This is sad because I know in my head I am none of those things, but then I look in the mirror and think - what happened to my sixteen year old thighs!? I have been grading exams and quizzes as well, and it's taking awhile because there are thirty each and the exams are essay! Poor students. I just know the ones that I graded first will probably get most of my bad marks because by the end I will be too tired to and just not care...although I am joking! I really do take them seriously. Oh, my teeth aren't hurting so I have put off calling a dentist (this is partly out of fear of course!) and Sara, your advice about the toothpaste was wonderful. I bought some and I attribute it to the taking pain out of my mouth. I will still have to go to a dentist. So far, nothing has been heard from my ex-husband, who has actually stolen a bunch of my stuff. My lawyer is working on it. I am seriously thinking of going to law school merely to become a mean divorce attorney only for women. This is unfair, but no offense are so immature!!! male friends, I love you, and you are NOT immature. Ok. Gotta go and shower and get ready for family fun tonight, where half the people there despise me and the other half like me! Should be interesting. I find it sad that I actually don't like some people I considered family only a half a year ago!

Friday, March 17, 2006

Who said it?

"I have never killed a man, but I have read a lot of obituaries with pleasure."

Incidentally (hehe) My tooth (teeth) don't hurt as much today. And, I am going to a funny play tonight with my friends - a play, about a play. Should be interesting. I honestly don't know what the title is or anything; we all thought it'd be fun to go. Have any of you ever used a public computer, in the library or something, and had people humming the entire time? I have this guy across from me, and he is humming! Literally, humming along with some unheard music in his head (good for him) and damn, it is extremely distracting. Plus, the song sucks.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Comps and Dentists + Who Said It?

So just to start things off right, I think I have a cavity. The left side of my mouth around a certain tooth area (hey, I'm not a dentist I don't know which bicuspid it is!) is feeling weird and also more sensitive to heat and cold. Unfortunately I do not have a dentist and also I'm TERRIFIED of going. Maybe cause I have a cavity. Anyway, will not bore you with more details but it is possible a future blog will be detailing the horrors of going to the dentist. In better news, Nick passed his History Comprehensive Exam yesterday. They told him within like four hours, which means it was really good and there wasn't anything to dispute or call him back in for. So Yay! I'm so proud. And I will now have to take mine. I am quite nervous, but I will be studying over spring break. And now, another round of
Who Said It?

What Luck for Rulers that Men do not Think.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Who Said It?

There will be several choices. You can do all, none, or as many as you want. Good luck!

"If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament."
- ????

"People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them."
- ?????

"In the beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."
- ?????

More Quotes and Other Things to Comment On

Well, I am pretty much bored at this moment, but there are bright points. I may not have had students show up, but I am getting paid to blog. I also talked to my friend Kay! Anyway here are some interesting things that happened to me today:
1. I got a new shocker card id and it doesn't actually work. I don't think it's activated yet or something. Could be a problem.
2. I almost got run over by a dragon. Yes, that's right. A dragon.
3. I have more quotes which I hope at least some people are enjoying; cause well, I enjoy them! I am thinking of making it a test. If you answer who actually wrote/spoke the quote correctly you get: a smile from me! Which, technically, you won't be able to see...but I am sure that will give you pleasure of some sort.

"He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife."
- Douglas Adams

Questions are Ruining my Life

Okay, so here is a bit of a rant on questions. Why is it that whenever I see people, after the perfunctory hey, how ya doing? the next topic of conversation is how's your thesis going? Or, have you heard anything from Iowa yet? Or, worst of all - What are you going to do next?
People let me answer them all: My thesis is going practically nowhere because my topic seems to have no roots. I haven't heard anything from Iowa yet, but I am not worried really (except when people ask me) because if I don't get in I will reapply for 2007 and take a year and work and make money. And I honestly don't KNOW what I will do next. I have no 1, 5, or 10 year plan, I am basically trying to recover from a divorce and major shifting life change, in which my family has apparently learned I can 1. Make big mistakes 2. Fix them by myself (sort of) 3. They don't like me and 4. I am imcompetent - which I believe that they honestly think I am. Apparently I do not give off the vibe of competent adult. I am still stuck at 10 with my family or something.
-Also, I know that many people find a relationship with god; religion; etc. comforting and helpful in life. But why does that automatically mean that I will? The other day I am walking along and these people ask if I want a bible. Now, I have two bibles at home - a St. James version and the Catholic version.I rarely read them unless I want to get a migraine. Why do I want another, pocket sized one, that is merely the New Testament. If I want myths and parables, etc. I at least want the full-sized version. Also, I am taking a Religion in America course and really thinking about this whole religion thing and feeling quite cynical. I am finding out where doctrines, traditions, beliefs, etc. came from and I am skeptical that there is any type of communication from god involved in any of them. In fact, I am starting to wonder if the whole idea of god is a colossal joke.
-I had a point but my rant has obscured it. Oh, basically, I am thinking that my life is very similar to the anti-intellectualism of some religions. This must be necessary for religion. Namely because once you start reading about the history of the church, where some things came from, the differences and contradictions in the bible, etc. through education and knowledge questions arise in your mind about religion - at least organized religion if not god.
-I also dislike organized religions because of the sexism, patriarchy, hypocrisy, and intolerance.
Okay, my rant is done. I realize that this probably sounds horrible to many people but I feel better.

The Start of a New Week

Well, this Monday has started out in a typical fashion. And yet, there are many boring things I must do today. Make up a key for the class. Get a new shocker ID card so I can check out books (seriously, I've been here for 6 years now, well, almost, and I've never lost it. Now, my last semester, in MARCH no less! I have to pay to get a new one. Life is weird sometimes.) In sadder news, one of my great aunts died this past week. I have some fond memories of Kay, and I sitting on her steps talking about roller skating and eating cookies. Actually, I don't remember much else about her, except at church in the choir, but at least I have that! She was very sweet. In other news, busy-ness has become epidemic and I wish that I had time to sit and call all my friends and have a chat. Somebody figure out a way to slow time down, ok?

Friday, March 10, 2006

Quote for Felix

"I hate quotations. Tell me what you know!"
Ralph Waldo Emerson

I wanted to continue my daily quotes and this seemed appropriate for my good friend Nathan (aka. Felix) as it sort of went along with what he was saying in the comments. In other news, I am having lunch with my sister today and possible doing some shopping. Basically, all I'm thinking is, it's Friday and I want the weekend to start; I just bought a bunch of new books and my friend Ramee lent me some, so I have tons of fun reading (as well as school reading, which can sometimes be fun!) to do this weekend.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Something More Fun than My Computer Ills

Okay, so I have to do this:

Four jobs you have had in your life:
1. Graduate Teaching Assistant at Wichita State University
2. Carlton Cards
3. Warren Theatre
4. Babysitting - ALOT

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1. Pride and Prejudice (the A&E version)
2. Love Actually
3. anything Muppets
4. The Music Man or Singin in the Rain

Four places you have lived:
1. Andale, KS
2. Winfield, KS
3. Wichita, KS
4. Rock Falls, IL

Four TV shows you love to watch: (I'm using only shows currently on the air)
1. Grey's Anatomy
2. Family Guy
3. Gilmore Girls
4. Simpsons

Four places you have been on vacation:
1. Spain, France, Italy
2. Caribbean Cruise
3. South Dakota
4. Washington, D.C.

Four websites I visit daily:

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Fried Rice
2. Pita Bread and Hummus
3. Chocolate
4. my mom's lasagna and dad's fried chicken

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Playing with nieces and nephews
2. Working Out/Running
3. Reading a good book
4. With friends/boyfriend

Links Section

Well, I have decided that I can never ever have a career in computers - EVER! I have been trying for days to add some of my favorite links, especially to my friends' blogs and for some reason can not do it. I follow the directions perfectly, but my knowledge is wrong or something. I can actually feel a rant about how difficult links are to publish starting so I will get back to you. But wow! I am annoyed.

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

So I realized that aside from my divorce, its problems, and my at the end of the summer move to Iowa, my life is a fairly closed book. Which is not good, because my friends read this blog and I am sure (ok, really, really hope!) that they are interested in more things about my life than that. So here goes:

1. As I am struggling through a century and a half's worth of government documents about Indian problems,and reservations, and basically the whole shebang's worth of the crap that Indians lived through - not finding anything close to what I am looking for - I come across loads of information that can not be used for any current research I am doing. I wonder; should I keep this for later use? Is it just a fluke that I've thought of something cool to write about? And then I lose my nerve and put it back, probably to never be found again. This really isn't about my life, per say, but it is an example of how I think and also how insecure I am about how intelligent my research may be.
2. I submitted a paper on Romanian Gypsies following the first World War to the academic journal on campus and as the committee was rejecting me it also put in a lot of comments like: "This is a really good paper but...." etc. I realize that for an academic journal there needs to be lots of editing, but I'd really just rather hear that, put in a kind way, rather this is good, but also, it sucks too much to accept and publish. So, in conclusion, my paper was not accepted.
3.Nick and I went to dinner on Sunday and he met my dad and stepmom. Am rather unsure how it went. I actually can not read if they liked him or not, but am guessing probably not for various reasons. However, that is what is great about being 25, instead of say, 15. You can date someone your parents hate and they can't do anything about it except be polite. Pretty much. (Parents who read this - it is NOT a challenge!)
4.Oh, and I love quotes because they make me laugh, and ponder, and think: wow, I should read more about this person!

Monday, March 06, 2006


"I am quite sure now that often, very often, in matters concerning religion and politics a man's reasoning powers are not above monkeys."
- Mark Twain

So anyone? Thoughts on my quotes? Should I continue putting up interesting quotes, about various things. Do people like quotes? Did anyone watch the Academy Awards last night? Wow, Jon Stewart was great, and I love to look at the dresses and stuff; plus, there were some really good movies so it was tough choices. Okay..thinking of what to say...oh, I know: so far things are fairly good.

Friday, March 03, 2006

Why do we adore a god which is said merciful and just AND has condemned forever the humanity because of the original sin of only one?

"It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics and chemistry." Henry Louis Mencken
"Man is a religious animal. He is the only religious animal. He is the only animal that has the TRUE religion - several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself - and cuts his throat is his theology isn't straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven." Mark Twain

"The so-called Christian nations are the most enlightened and progressive...but in SPITE of their religion, not because of it. The Church has opposed every innovation and discovery from the day of Galileo, down to our own time, when the use of anesthetics in childbirth was regarded as a sin because it avoided the biblical curse pronounced against Eve." Mark Twain

Here we go again

I think I am closer to writing my thesis. But I will not give it away until I've talked to my advisor and so I won't jinx myself. Also, today is the day! I can feel it..I will get my things - even if he moved them and I have to follow a trail of breadcrumbs through his family's homes - and then things will be able to start getting more normal again. As normal as they can after such a huge event.

Thursday, March 02, 2006


Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at the way you've treated the United States, especially California, and we've decided
we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the
other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes Hawaii,
Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and all the

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to
the people of the new country of New California.
To sum up briefly: You get
Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the
best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of
Liberty. You get Opry! Land. We get Intel and
Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ol' Miss.
We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
get Alabama. We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the
red states pay their fair share. Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22
percent lower than the Christian
Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single
moms. Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war,
and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once.

If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're
apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they
don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming
home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and we do hope that the WMDs turn up,
but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent of
the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and
lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of America's
quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90 percent
of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the U.S.
low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy
and Seven Sister schools, plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs),
92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes,
90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists,
virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones
University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
actually swallowed by a whale,
62 percent believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death
penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that evolution is only a theory, 53
percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61 percent of you crazy
bastards believe you're people with higher morals then we lefties.

We get all the good baseball teams too.

Author Unknown in New California.

Peace of mind and good health, as well as fun and lots of healing laughter
and yours.

To other things in Life

I am moving to Iowa, and my best friend is going to be there too - about two hours away or something like that. How cool and exciting is that?! We'll be in the same state, again. Friday I will hopefully get my things back from my ex. Why he would want them I don't know. My lawyer has said that destroying things takes a lot of energy and usually doesn't really happen, but Adam probably had plenty of energy for that. Also, I am trying to figure out how to post links to my friends blogs and other sites I like but I can't do it. I think I am computer UN-savvy. It kinda sucks.

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Lawyers and Letting Go

So, today is the day. I see my lawyer to discuss, in person, what I should do about my ex-husband. I am inclined to be really mean - to ask for him to be arrested if it's possible, etc. But then I waiver because I know that my things aren't at the house - he has taken them somewhere else. Because I am moving on with my life and maybe being as vindictive as he is won't help. And then I think - maybe it will. Maybe I need to get angry and not vindictive. Maybe he needs to take some responsibility for the things he does wrong, and maybe I need to finally stand up for myself. The meeting is this morning. I am nervous.

I have found out things throughout this whole process of divorce like:
1. Pay attention to yourself, and don't shove doubts inside thinking that they don't matter. Listen to your inner voice even if it sounds crazy.
2. Some men are extremely vindictive, especially the ones that apparently wanted to control you. These are usually the men who blame you for things like pulling a gun on you, or aiding in the ruin (too strong a word though - the screw up?) of a family.
3. Some things you will always wonder - like, if you had gotten shot, would your brother love you, better yet, LIKE you, again, and perhaps even agree that your decisions are your own, even if he doesn't know the reasons for them?
4. Lawyers are extremely intimidating, even the ones you like, and you should dress cute - yet somewhat professionally. I am wearing khakis and a cute fuschia shirt.
5. You really find out who you can count on.
6. Always have a towel!

Lawyers and Letting Go

So, today is the day. I see my lawyer to discuss, in person, what I should do about my ex-husband. I am inclined to be really mean - to ask for him to be arrested if it's possible, etc. But then I waiver because I know that my things aren't at the house - he has taken them somewhere else. Because I am moving on with my life and maybe being as vindictive as he is won't help. And then I think - maybe it will. Maybe I need to get angry and not vindictive. Maybe he needs to take some responsibility for the things he does wrong, and maybe I need to finally stand up for myself. The meeting is this morning. I am nervous.

I have found out things throughout this whole process of divorce like:
1. Pay attention to yourself, and don't shove doubts inside thinking that they don't matter. Listen to your inner voice even if it sounds crazy.
2. Some men are extremely vindictive, especially the ones that apparently wanted to control you. These are usually the men who blame you for things like pulling a gun on you, or aiding in the ruin (too strong a word though - the screw up?) of a family.
3. Some things you will always wonder - like, if you had gotten shot, would your brother love you, better yet, LIKE you, again, and perhaps even agree that your decisions are your own, even if he doesn't know the reasons for them?
4. Lawyers are extremely intimidating, even the ones you like, and you should dress cute - yet somewhat professionally. I am wearing khakis and a cute fuschia shirt.
5. You really find out who you can count on.
6. Always have a towel!