Alice: Four Months

Dear Alice:

You turned four months old two weeks ago, and I am just now starting this lovely blog post to commemorate it.

Why did it take me so long?

Well, first, you got your shots. My poor baby: I know why some people are against vaccines and I think secretly, it has nothing to do with any kind of concern for how they're made or what's in them. It's all because of that moment when the needle goes in their baby's leg and that split second of W.T.H?! that happens before a pain-filled cry fills the room. And then you have to try to calm them down after feeling like you're the worst mommy and just betrayed them. Your shots did not go as well as your two month ones. Apparently, you have a bad reaction and it makes your leg turn red and swell up, and your feet get all hot. This time it took you a long, long time to calm down - even trying to nurse didn't help, despite the fact that you were hungry. I felt so awful not being able to comfort you and so did Daddy. But somehow, thanks to baby Tylenol and lots of snuggles you did fine after a couple hours and slept it off. Unlike other babies you don't just fall into a shot-induced sleep coma although you did sleep pretty well.

And then we found out that your great-Grandmother (my Grandma) was very very ill and was probably dying. And it is so important to me that you meet her. So we packed you up and us up and headed on a whirlwind trip up to South Dakota for your first vacation (or as we labeled it a "stress-cation"). You had just had shots and we were really worried about how you'd do in the carseat for such long periods of time, but you surprised us and did fantastic! You played with toys I brought and held my fingers and looked out the window at the sky and talked and then slept. And you took pretty good naps in your carseat too!

On the way there, we stopped at Cathedral of the Plains, this really large church. We had lunch and looked at the pretty windows and took a picture and then hit the road again.

We stayed in a hotel in Nebraska. 

We went straight to see Grandma Regan and you got to meet your Uncle Tom. Unfortunately, we didn't get any pictures of you with, well, anyone else except Grandma. Don't really know what we were thinking. And we aren't going to put the pictures of you with Grandma up, because I don't think she'd like it. But she was very ill and you did quite well with the room, and meeting new people, and just generally were a wonderful baby. We did manage to get some sight-seeing in on the last two days we were there.

You had to wear my hat because we'd forgotten your sun hat in our hotel room. That's Mt. Rushmore in the distance. I love the look on your face. At Mt. Rushmore we got you a National Parks passport and guidebook - so every time we go to a national park, you can get it stamped with the date and the symbol for that park. I am so excited to start taking you places and when you get bigger to hopefully see you get excited at getting your passport stamped!

And we managed to get a family photo taken too - somehow!

This one is you and me in Spearfish Park by the creek. And the next one is you and Daddy by that same creek. It was nice to get out and get some fresh air and have you not be confined in your carseat or someone's arms.

We traveled through Custer State Park and saw amazing views and rock formations, and went through the Wildlife Loop and saw buffalo, antelope, prairie dogs, and even a prairie rattlesnake (yikes!).

Our trip was crazy, and busy, and stressful, and fun. I can't wait to take another vacation with you for a much better reason.

Now, we're back. You're exhausted and off-schedule (not that you really had one in the first place). I had a wonderful first Mother's Day with you - you gave me a sweet card and some yummy chocolate and we all went to brunch together. And now we have to face reality and start working on you taking naps in the daytime in your crib and moving you to your own room. Daddy and I had to put your crib bumper on, despite the AAP warning against them (we usually listen to the AAP about important things), because you got both your legs caught in your crib slats and boy did you cry! You little wiggle worm! You're almost rolling over from back to front and I'm convinced you COULD roll over front to back, but just don't want to because you like to be playing on your tummy.

I just love you more and more every day and can't wait to find out what you do and what you like and don't like. We'll be starting all these new things soon: solid foods, sleeping in your own room, swimming, rolling over, crawling! But you're still my sweet little baby - my darling daughter.

Love,
Mommy

Alice: Three Months

To my Readers: How sad is it that the only thing I post anymore are monthly birthday letters to my baby? I'll try to do better. At least maybe I can post daily baby posts...Hee.

Anyway.



Dear Alice,

You are 12 weeks old this month (On a Tuesday again, on the 3rd of April - awesome). We went to the doctor for your two month check up and you weighed over twelve pounds and were two inches longer. And that was only a month ago. Now, thanks to the scale in our bathroom and a dedicated father who weighed you both and then just himself and then DID MATH we know you weight almost 15 lbs. Holy cow! I am looking forward to finding out what the doctor says you weigh in 2 weeks, but since that will also involve shots I am just as happy guesstimating at home.

Anyway, the doctor declared you very healthy, although we told her we were concerned about silent reflux - you just seemed so unhappy and didn't like to lie down and were really having trouble sleeping. And so she wrote us a prescription for Zantac and suddenly you're much happier. Not to say you don't cry - you do, and it's so sad for us, because you have real tears now and you just look so unhappy, with a screwed up little face - but it's a lot rarer and even when you're really tired you are generally in a good mood. Perhaps you just grew out of some of it as well, now that you're awake more and want to learn about things and look around.



On Sunday March 31, at 11:40 am you laughed out loud for the first time while you were awake. It was glorious! Amazing! Confusing!? - What did we do? Nothing special that we can see. We have yet to make you laugh again not matter what we try. And Mommy tries All. The. Time. So please, try to do that again. And again and again, because it's so much better than the crying and it just makes us giddy to hear it.

Usually, we can tell when you're trying to laugh when you're naked at bath time. You love your naked times and you love a bath. Daddy and I usually do it together and you grin up at us and watch the shower curtain and it calms you right down. You are definitely a water baby - you love baths and getting into the shower with me or Daddy, and sometimes when we can't comfort you any other way, we will just sit with you or sway with you in the bathroom when the water is running and you calm right down. I can't wait to take you swimming this summer! We even have the cutest swimsuit for you.



A few weeks ago you finally got to meet more of your family. We all went to the zoo and you got to meet your boy cousins, Dalton and Tristan and Colin, and your Aunt Jackie and her fiance Arden, and your Uncle Rick. It was such a fun day, even though your naps were short and made you a very tired baby that night.

Your cousin Dalton especially liked you - he wanted to hold your hand all the way through the zoo, and he was so sweet with you. I can't wait until you're a little bigger so I can watch all of you play together, even though they're so much older than you. But speaking of playmates, you'll soon get one in the form of an honorary cousin because your Aunt Kay (mommy's known- the- longest best friend) is pregnant. Her baby will only be ten months older than you and we're already planning playdates!



For a little while, I thought we had your sleeping worked out. Almost every night for a week you'd go to bed after our routine and sleep for four or five hours. Sometimes only three, but nothing less than that. And you sleep in your big girl crib too - which looks so huge when you're in it. So we were really happy and you seemed to be getting better at it. But after those first hours, you'd be up and then it seemed harder for you to sleep for a longer period of time. You move around and get unswaddled and wake yourself up and in general just don't sleep for more than two hours in a row after about midnight. And mommy just doesn't know what to do except get up and try to get you back to sleep. But I think you will probably outgrow this little conundrum and so even at 3 in the morning, I try to remember that you are still tiny and not used to a crib or sleeping on your back. Even the doctor says she wouldn't expect you to be sleeping through the night until almost 4 months anyway.



The last week of March was a week you and I had a with just me and you, because Daddy was out of town. And somehow, we made it through. Usually Daddy makes sure that there is food in the house and he and you have time together in the mornings when Mommy sleeps in a bit. But while he was gone, we did just fine. At first, you were confused - when I'd play you the recording of him reading Good Night Moon to you, you looked around but didn't see him and you were like - where IS he? And your sleeping was all shot - I think not having him around really upset your little world. So you usually ended up snuggling with mommy in her bed so that we both got some extra sleep. We played, and read books, and had baths, and smiled and went to the zoo and had lunch with your Grandpa and Grandma.

You are really making sure that my pledge to be more patient and loving and thoughtful is carried through when it comes to the sleeping thing. I sometimes get so frustrated, but not at you - at ME! I wonder what it is that I'm doing or not doing that makes it hard for you to sleep or if you slept well, what it was that I did or didn't do that made it better for you to sleep. And I know that really, it's probably not in my control, it's just you learning about the world. But then I worry that you can sense how frustrated I get and I worry some more. It's a vicious cycle.

But I am proud of myself because every day I try to grow and do better and be a good mommy to you and I think I am succeeding. And thanks to Daddy being understanding and supportive, I will get to stay at home with you and continue to work on that, because two weeks ago I gave notice at my job. It was a hard decision, because I really want you to look up to me as a role model and I think seeing a mommy work hard at something other than being a mommy (whether it is at a job or at a friendship or at volunteering) is a really good experience for little girls (and boys too!). But when I thought about going back to work with you still so little, and with Daddy's schedule being so busy, and all the driving I'd have to do, well, staying home was really the best decision.



This month was your first Easter, and even though Daddy said it didn't matter because you were too little to know better, I got you a tiny basket. It only had hair bows and a stuffed animal that we technically already had and a card from Daddy and me, NOT the Easter bunny. I took pictures for your baby book and we all went to brunch with Daddy's family and then we took you to see your Grandpa Rick and Grandma Pat. You wore an adorable dress and were so good, even though you barely napped all day. I was so proud of you. And this is one of our first good family pictures together and don't we look nice?! I'm only sorry we forgot to put the flower back on your head, because you looked even more adorable with it on. Oh well.



I love you so much, more every day, and I just can't wait to see what you will do next. When you are nursing and fall asleep, I look down at you and watch you make those little sleep smiles and listen to the sighs of contentment you make and I think, "I'm doing a good job." And so I know that the future is going to be so interesting and so fun. I look forward to all the milestones and the simple things I will experience being with you and yet I also don't want you to get any bigger because I love you just as you are right now. So hurry and don't grow, okay?

Love,
Mommy

Alice: Two Months

Dear Alice,

Today you are two months old. According to the doctor's office however, we have to wait until March 3 for it to be official. But 2 months ago, on a Tuesday morning, you were born.

In the last month you've already changed so much! You've gone from this skinny little newborn to this adorable little girl with chubby cheeks and elbows with dimples. You are digging the breastmilk and it shows!

I can't wait to find out more about your personality, but a couple of weeks ago you smiled at me and it was a full on grin! So now, I try to make you smile all the time. It's kind of hard, because I also want to get that gorgeous smile in a photo but you ARE NOT HAVING IT! You'll smile at me, at daddy, at your birds on your swing's mobile, but never at the camera. Maybe you're shy? Or you're like me and don't like your pictures no matter how good they are? (And really, how bad could they be at 2 months - you're adorable!). Anyway, I was so happy to see you smile up at me, this gummy grin that shows you know who I am and that you're glad to see me. It just makes my day. Sometimes, when I'm trying for the umpteenth time to put you down for a nap, and you are having none of it, because you want me to hold you, you'll look up at me from the bassinet and just grin, and I have to laugh because even though I know you're not trying to bribe me, it feels like it and I want to give in, because your smiles are like crack!

I can't seem to stop kissing you and neither can your daddy. I'm sure you wonder what the heck we're doing but we just can't seem to help it. I want you to know I love you and I hope that kissing you conveys that, cause wow, what a simple way to say it! I'd gladly do it a million times if that's what it takes. Because I adore you. You're finally starting to calm down and like daddy a little bit more - for awhile there it seemed like you only preferred me. But hey - I have the food, so it's only natural at this stage, because you're still tiny.

Sleeping has hit a rough patch. I posted a couple weeks ago that we'd put you down and you fell asleep by yourself and stayed asleep for like three hours. But then, I think you hit a growth spurt and sleeping went out the window. It almost seems like you're in pain (and we're totally talking to the doctor about that) sometimes and we worry. But it's gotten a little bit better. You don't want to nap unless you're sleeping on me, and because you are so exhausted I gave in for awhile. But now, I'm trying to wean you off of that. I am only slightly successful. At night, you have to be swaddled so you don't wake yourself up still, but you HATE it and scream until we let your arms out. But when you do sleep, it's adorable. You laugh in your sleep, and I can't wait to hear it when you're awake! And you sleep just like your daddy does, which is so cute and funny. Soon, you'll be sleeping (I hope) in your big-girl crib, not the bassinet next to me, and I know I'll miss having you close enough to touch. I've slept with you right next to me since you were born, and it's going to be weird to think you are independent enough to sleep farther away (but still in our room).

You've gone to the zoo and the art museum, and even for a walk in your stroller at the nature center, but so far I haven't managed to get you to the library where mommy works (see above: Not Sleeping). But I will. I'm already dreading going back to work, even part-time. I will miss you and worry about how you're doing with daddy and whether you fell asleep or are missing me. But right now I'm just savoring the time I have with you.

Oh The Games She Can Play

Did you know that six-week olds like to play games with their parents heads? Why, yes, my child is exceptional in that area, thankyouverymuch....

Last night we thought we'd turned some kind of sleep corner. Okay, I thought we'd turned some kind of sleep corner I have no idea what the husband thought. At 8 pm, we had the little girl swaddled and in bed. Asleep. By herself. No mommy (normally I go to bed with her, because, let's face it, no one likes zombie-mommy and with at least three night-time feedings, that's what I'd be in the morning without going to bed with the wee one). Nope, mommy was feeling pretty good and decided to stay up with daddy and watch an episode and a half of the West Wing. Ha! Hahahaha....we thought - wow, maybe this is a turning point. She'll start going to bed and we'll have a little time to ourselves to talk (except I don't think we have anything to talk about, which is kind of sad)...

She slept. And woke up and then put herself BACK TO SLEEP. I have a child prodigy at six weeks old! And then I went to bed and fell asleep and at 11 she woke up. And proceeded to nurse and then fall asleep. And then I'd put her in bed and she'd sleep for ten minutes and then flail around, kicking and grunting and rolling her head back and forth and wake herself up.

Lather, rinse, repeat until 3 am. This is why co-sleeping was started, I just know it, because of exhausted moms, worn out by babies who clearly have their own agenda and it's totally revenge because MOM STAYED WITH DAD AND NOT WITH ME! Finally, I brought her in next to me, still swaddled, and let her sleep curled up on my arm. Away from all pillows (really comfy for mommy, let me tell you). But we both slept for about an hour and half and then I woke up and was like, hey, she's still swaddled. Try to put her in bed! HA again...that wasn't going to happen. Change, nurse, burp...and FINALLY back to bed at 4:30. She then slept pretty well until 7ish, woke up at 7:30 and nursed again.

So I've been up since 7:30. On very little sleep. Not that it's the amount of sleep - it's the disruptions. I think I'd be fine if I could get four hours of uninterrupted sleep every night. Not fully functioning or anything - no higher brain power. But fine.

Oh well - I'll sleep when she's in college, right?

It Has to Be a Stage, Right?

Do six-week olds go through stages? I mean, I've heard of the Terrible Twos and the even worse, Tantrumy Threes....but the Sleeping Six-Weeks I haven't heard of...but surely, this will pass.

For the last few days, poor little Alice has been having horrible gas (at least that's all we can conclude from her behavior and the diapers we get in the morning). All the information we found says that it's a particular stage of growth, right around 6-8 weeks, the digestive system is finishing up the maturation process and then it should get better. But it makes for some difficult times for mommy and daddy.

And it means that she doesn't sleep as well on her own during the day. At night, she seems fine. By the time bedtime rolls around (we thought it would be around 7:30, based on her sleeping cues, but no, it's right around 9), she gets swaddled and put into bed after eating usually and sleeps soundly for three hours. Last night, not so soundly. But better after the midnight feeding. So during the day, she seems to sleep well only on mommy. Makes typing a bitch.....I have to keep on trying though, to convince her that her napper on the couch is a good place to sleep so mommy can, you know, eat and shower and such.

Alice: One Month

Today (okay, so technically it was Tuesday, or if you want to go by dates, it will be tomorrow) you are one month old. It seems like only yesterday I was heading into the hospital and your dad and I were meeting you.

I'm not going to lie: we've all had to do some adjusting. For one thing, sleep! It's not that you don't like to sleep, but you tend to only do so in two hour increments (at MOST) and so mommy didn't get a whole lot of sleep that first two weeks because she was breastfeeding. I have to say though, I didn't mind. But boy, it was exhausting. And I think you were exhausted too - all that growing you've had to do and keep on doing! But now, mommy is doing a little better because she's started using the pump and that means Daddy can feed you every once in awhile.

I'm still a little nervous doing some things - like leaving you alone in your bassinet while I spend time with Daddy. Every little peep you make makes me want to leap to your side to check on you. And going out alone with you - we've made a couple of trips together: to see Daddy at work, to go to the doctor when I was worried because you were so much more fussy....slowly, we'll go out more I think....when I gain more confidence (and get that mirror up in the car!).

But we are going out more with Daddy. You've already been to the zoo on a nice day, in the Moby (something ELSE mommy needs to learn how to do by herself, so that we can go on walks - but it's complicated apparently).



But every day I get to watch you grow and change and get more used to me and your daddy and your surroundings. I keep waiting for you to smile at me - I think it happened once, when I was sticking my tongue out at you, so that you could mimic me, but I don't know if it was intentional. You're focusing on things more, including my face, which is an incredible feeling because I know you KNOW me.

You really tend to hate tummy time - but you have pretty good neck muscles already and the other day you practically pushed yourself up with your arms. Probably a fluke, but I was very impressed. And boy can you scream! It seems like every night around 9 pm, you decide you don't want to go to bed after all, no matter how tired you are, and you cry and fuss and scream even, until we're all tired and worried and occasionally even mommy has to cry because she doesn't know what is wrong. Usually it lasts less than an hour, but sometimes it's longer, with you calming down until you're juuuuussssttt asleep and then you'll suddenly realize it and wake up and cry again. It can just break our hearts. But I think we'll be okay in time.

You and I are getting used to being alone in the apartment all day too - now that Daddy is back at work. I think you miss him during the day and that contributes to your evening fussiness - after all, why would you want to sleep just after Daddy gets home?! But again, I think that will change once you get used to it and you and I start having more adventures during the day.

You've already grown so much and are becoming a chubby little baby instead of our skinny newborn (10 lbs. already: not that I'm surprised because you love the boob!). I honestly can't wait to see how you grow up and what you'll be like once you start waking up even more during the days (and hopefully sleeping more at night!). I love you, sweetheart. Happy One-Month Birthday!

Alice

For my first post of the new year, I've decided to write out my birth story. Or, perhaps, Alice and I's birth story. Certainly, I've had some requests on Facebook.

Worries

I'll start by getting in a little bit of back story. That's right - I'm going to make you wait a bit before I get to the good stuff! Many of you might already know that my doctor was concerned about possible preeclampsia. I was diagnosed with gestational hypertension after several erratic blood pressure readings, right around 34 weeks. So I started doing the once a week appointments earlier than normal. There was more testing, and every week I had a biophysical profile done to monitor little MCO's (or the future Alice) movements and the level of amniotic fluid. We got a LOT of ultrasound pics actually. Anyway, because the signs of danger weren't there, my doctor's hands were tied for inducing me immediately at full-term, but she also felt that going past the safest date (39 weeks) would also be a risk; plus, I was getting tons of tests every week and was eventually on bed rest and all that. So, at my 38th week appointment she checked to see how dilated/effaced etc. I was (as is pretty standard). I had only progressed from about 1/2 cm. dilated to 1 cm dilated, and was barely effaced at all.

She thought that unless MCO came beforehand (not looking likely), she'd induce me sometime in my 39th week.

There - back story done. :-)

The Good Part

I made it to 39 weeks, and my doc told us she'd scheduled the induction for the 2nd of January. I'd go in that evening, and "ripen" and then she'd break my water and start Pitocin to get contractions going if I needed it. I should mention here that I was NOT looking forward to being induced. I did not want to be induced, although I was very anxious to meet MCO and to stop having to worry about risks. But I'd heard that inductions can make labor very long, and that Pitocin can make contractions extremely intense, meaning I'd probably end up asking for an epidural before I really wanted one. I wanted to go as unmedicated for as long as possible, in case it ended up slowing down labor.

On January 2nd, I continued my bed rest and tried to relax and not be too nervous/excited/scared....N. went into to work for a half day to make sure things were in order and then came home and made cookies for us to give to the nurses. Yes, that's right, we aren't above bribery. The afternoon seriously dragged on. But and here's the fun part - I was having contractions. They had started that morning, but weren't anything I hadn't had before so I thought it was just Braxton-Hicks or false labor. But they got progressively more frequent and intense, even painful. As we got closer to the scheduled appointment, we figured we'd make sure to mention that I thought I was in labor, but we didn't do any timing or anything until we'd left the apartment to go to dinner. We had a very quick dinner, because the contractions I was having were definitely coming faster and were more painful. Then we headed to the hospital and checked in, filled out paperwork, etc.

Our room was ready almost immediately and I got all ready. The on-call doctor checked, since I'd told them I had been having regular contractions and confirmed it - I was in labor already, dilated to 3 1/2 cm.! No induction for me after all. I was extremely excited, and both N. and I were amazed and happy. After a few hours of contractions however, I was getting more tired and really hurting. I finally broke down and had an epidural after quite a few hours. Pretty proud of myself for waiting so long, actually, but maybe it only felt really long. The epidural made everything easier and both N. and I tried to rest that night - he managed an hour or two of sleep, I dozed off and on, and basically we were just in a waiting game for me to keep progressing - pretty much on schedule actually. Around 3 am or so, it stopped. The next check actually broke my water, so we figured I'd progress more after that but not really. The nurses kept coming in to check on me, of course, and finally the doc decided that I'd start on Pitocin. Luckily, I'd already had the epidural.

When my OB finally got there, around 9, she announced I was pretty much ready to push. They started getting everything ready for the actual delivery and there was quite a flurry of excitement in the room. I was damn nervous about the actual pushing, since the labor had ended up being much easier than I expected (those epidurals are pretty awesome after all). I knew something had to be hard; they don't call it labor for nothing. After quite a few pushes, my doctor announced that I still had quite a bit to do, and left to check up on some other patients while the nurses and my incredible husband stayed with me to keep pushing. All of them commented on how wonderful a coach he was, and he was - it was amazing. I do have to say though, no matter how encouraging our great nurse was, I kept getting annoyed every time she'd say "You're so close - she's almost here!" And then I had to keep pushing. Every time she'd say that I expected the doctors and other nurses to be running into the room, with the baby's head barely getting caught. But no. After 2 hours of pushing, which felt like 20 minutes, I swear!, the doctor was back, the nurses were back and finally when she said, "you're so close" it was true. At 11:09 am, Alice Louise Regan Wyant was born.

She weighed just under 7 lbs. (they rounded it up) and was 20 inches long. They laid her down on my chest with her little hat on, and wrapped in a blanket, and we just stared at each other and at her daddy. I'll never forget that moment as long as I live.

Now, we're home, almost 2 weeks have gone by. I still can't believe that I'm no longer pregnant, except I have the evidence against my chest right now. I've been hit by the baby blues - a lot of crying spells, which is hard for N., I think, and definitely for me, since I feel out of control...but they're subsiding a lot. I'm sad to think I'll never be pregnant for the first time ever again - it was an amazing experience, one I hadn't counted on really enjoying so much as experiencing until the "real" one came along - and I had a husband who made it even more wonderful as the weeks went on. I never expected to like it so much. Despite the stress and worry of the last weeks of my pregnancy, it is one of the times I'd live over again - several times, I think. I am going to miss it and how my husband and I planned for it, and were so excited, and all that. But I now get to really look forward to getting to know Alice - who is helping me type this, by the way, and find out what she's really like. She's absolutely beautiful.

Aren't I Just Horrible

I mean, it used to be I couldn't wait to write a new post. I had a folder with topics I wanted to put on my blog. But then, of course, life got in the way what with all the stuff going on, and the fact that now we don't really have a lot of people that read/comment on blogs anymore apparently (and I don't mean just my blog, but the blogs of friends of mine, which are in even more dire straits than mine - I don't think some of my friends even realize that their blogs are still out there!). But I do have things to post, and I try to post updates on my pregnancy so that later I can read them and think, shamed, 'You should have just written a pregnancy journal.'

Of course, I've never once been able to write in a journal on a regular basis, so I don't know how that would be different - but hey, at least I am ahead of the curve on mommy-guilt.

I've now progressed to weekly appointments with my doctor. I'm also having weekly ultrasounds (doctor-ordered) to check on the level of amniotic fluid and little MCO's movements and such. The doctor is being cautious and watching me for preeclampsia - my blood pressure is erratic and keeps going higher than she'd like. I'm now diagnosed with gestational hypertension in fact. Luckily, the little one kicking at my ribs is doing fine and seems healthy. It's just me and my body being frustrating and annoying.

Today it was high again, and so my doctor pulled me off work. I was due to go on maternity leave after next weekend anyway, so it isn't a huge deal, but that means I'm behind on what I wanted to finish and my co-workers have to pick up some major slack in the next week or two before my "replacement" begins in January. It does give me time to obsess about what we do or don't have done for when she gets here and to worry about labor and delivery, but hey- isn't that what life is all about?!

Christmas is almost here - or, Saturnalia or Festivus, or Winter Solstice, or Hanukkah, or... (there are a lot of holidays in the winter isn't there?!) and I'm looking forward to it and yet feel somewhat sad, as this will be the first year I'm not with my family on the actual day. It's that inevitable thing that happens in adulthood, but it's still bittersweet. I'm sure husband and I will have lots of fun together, and with his family, and with friends, but it never seems to feel the same as when you're a kid.

At any rate, I've now posted. Will try to post more as the due date gets closer, cause I really want to see if people will bet on it.

Thanksgiving and Pregnancy

How was Thanksgiving for all of you? I spent the day (and the night before) in Great Bend hanging out with my family, eating too much and playing the Wii. I did feel bad because I'm not able to be as active with the nieces and nephews now that I'm all huge and I have to take it easy (more on that later) but I think we all had a good time. Definitely one of my favorite holidays - a good start to Christmas anyway. And yes, I have my tree up already and am slowly decorating with my other Christmas things. In the spirit of inclusion (and because I'm not religious so I can have the freedom to do things like this) I have thought about getting a Menorah and putting that out - but haven't so far.

Slowly, our apartment is starting to look lived in instead of chaotic - books are being put away, we're getting things in their proper places. I always forget how long that takes. Moving is always bad but I think unpacking and finding where things have to go is worse.

Pregnancy update: I am now taking if easy (which basically means not moving as much and reading on the couch more) at least until this Thursday. At my last prenatal, the doctor was concerned about the fact that I had some major swelling in my ankles and feet coupled with erratic blood pressure readings - some were higher than normal. She is worried it might be a sign of pre-eclampsia and I am now having a biophysical profile on Thursday, consisting of a sonogram to make sure there is enough blood flow to placenta and such and a non-stress test, and will probably be seeing her every week (which I would have started soon anyway). I was a little freaked, but I think it's just a precaution, since I don't have any of the other signs and little MCO is moving and kicking like crazy.

I am also about ready to start maternity leave - I plan on talking with my boss and getting my last day settled very soon (preferably this week sometime). I want to make sure I get my two programs in December done and then I think I can relax a bit about leaving my job.

So I think that's it - Happy Holiday season all of you; good luck with shopping and scheduling, and decorating, and baking, and all the rest of it! I am looking forward to all of it, plus, hopefully, an end to this pregnancy (eventually...cause geez, I'm huge!)

The MONKEYS ARE HERE

So I'm perusing my pregnancy website today (thebump.com - thank you for asking) and it told me I only have 53 days left until my due date. 53 DAYS! That is a month and a half (if that!). In around four weeks I will be AT FULL-TERM. I am serious - in say, four weeks, it is possible I could go into labor and actually have a newborn. I am not prepared, despite two wonderful baby showers and a host of extremely supportive people. But...

I don't have a crib set up yet.
The car seat isn't in the car.
Baby clothes aren't washed, I haven't pre-registered at the hospital/birth care center, and I haven't packed a hospital bag! Panic is starting to set in - and yet, when you say I'm due in January - well, that is sooo far away - NO, NO, IT'S NOT! That is 53 days away!!!

And I am also starting to realize I will have to actually HAVE this baby, by means of labor and you know, pushing. And pain (at least some, even if I decide to do an epidural). And probably yucky, gross, bodily fluids.
You're saying that clearly, I should have known that, I who have read the pregnancy books cover-to-cover? Who took the childbirth class and SAW the video. Who has older sisters and listened to their stories and asked questions. PLEASE -

Yes, yes, I KNEW that, you know, in a kind of "I KNOW that there are monkeys in South America, but that is so far away" way and now:
The monkeys are here and they're stealing my bananas!

The Most Boring Post in the World

I seriously don't think I have a specific topic for this post. It took me like, a minute, to even start typing this incredibly random sentence. Clearly, I have a boring life. Well, boring for blog posts anyway. So I'll just go with the old, boring, dull stand-by of updating all my numerous readers on my life.

1. We are now going to prenatal appointments every two weeks, since I'm at almost 29 weeks. I keep thinking back to my posts complaining about how slow pregnancy is and wanting to kick my own ass for complaining because according to The Bump website, I only have 79 days left until the due date (I'm sure it will be more or less of course, because of the incredibly low percentage of women who go into labor and actually end up with babies on their due date)

2. The husband and I have an apartment - we move in about 3 1/2 weeks and I am so excited to finally get things organized and ready for when we bring the girl home. And to have somewhere to invite friends and family over.

3. I do not have placenta previa at all and am therefore not needing a scheduled C-section. It was definitely low-lying at the mid-pregnancy ultrasound, so my OB scheduled another one for last week and all is good. Also, definitely a girl, which was also a relief since I got lots of pink dresses and bows and things from my shower and would hate to have to put my son in a pink dress with bows.

4. I didn't think I would, but I kind of like the attention and excitement that is coming from me being pregnant. So far I haven't had tons of people rubbing my belly (family and friends). I've only had a few dirty looks when I go to Starbucks for my apple cider (apparently they thought I'd ordered the triple mocha espresso or something). I get tons of hugs and the feeling of contentment knowing people are thinking about me and I almost feel selfish and greedy. So far, no old-wives tales have been told about how I'm endangering my child by doing some random thing; I haven't had a bunch of strangers tell me their labor horror stories (thank goodness, because I already have a bunch in my head that I just made up!)

5. There will soon be a puppy here, which I'm excited about, because they're just so adorable. I think that will be the pet we choose when we finally have a yard and the kid is old enough.

6. I am so much busier at work nowadays and it's so nice. For awhile I honestly thought I was being paid to just sit and not do much, but my ideas are taken seriously and I'm now running programs, and getting ready to do story times and of course, they will miss me when I'm on maternity leave.

7. It is finally autumn! There was frost last night. The nights are chilly and mean I sleep better and just enjoy the season. I love this kind of weather and it's so nice to not have the heat.

8. I am really looking forward to Thanksgiving this year. Because we'll be so close to the due date at Christmas Nick and I won't be traveling to see my family for Christmas (my family will celebrate on our own and then have a family Christmas later) we're focusing on seeing my family for Thanksgiving. We're having a deviled egg contest. We're having tons of delicious food - family favorites and new recipes I'm sure. We've rented a small rec center so we'll be playing games and hanging out and talking and just having a good time together. I love the holidays and I love my husband's family so Christmas should be pretty fun too, even though I'm so sad not to have my family closer. This should give me a good dose of Regan for that.

I really could keep going with more updates: I'm craving more sugar, which annoys me, I find it hard to tie my shoes or put on socks, etc. But I think I'll just end this post.

Trick Or Treat?

Since I'm now addicted to parenting websites and advice, especially the kind that makes me go - "Seriously? You think that's GOOD parenting?!" in my head. But I was reading Yahoo! Shine and there was an article about the age of trick-or-treating. And whether there should be a maximum age - ie. Should teenagers still be allowed to go trick-or-treating? Personally, I fell within the no category. I figured that at a certain age, say, 14 they would be considered too old and should find other ways to celebrate the holiday. There is no underlying reason for my attitude except that I stopped trick-or-treating at like, 13 and I didn't go the complete opposite (as some people suggested in the comments section was the only thing teens did - go trick or treating or end up committing vandalism and horrible party choices) and become a juvenile delinquent. My friends and I had fun in other ways: haunted houses, scary movies, etc.

But after reading the article, I'm wondering if maybe I have the wrong approach? Is there an actual reason for saying that teens SHOULDN'T trick or treat? Why is it only for younger kids under a certain age (whatever arbitrary age people think is okay). After all, we certainly want to encourage kids to be kids for as long as possible, and some teens do still want to be creative and dress up and trick or treat. Obviously, if they show up in jeans with no costume that shouldn't count. And usually by the "right" age for them, teens will choose other options: they won't WANT to trick or treat, they'll want to go to a party, watch scary movies with friends, make their own haunted house, or visit a haunted house.

I am starting to wonder if maybe this is part of the whole demonization of teens in our culture, where we assume that they aren't good kids because of their age. Certainly there are teens out there that would fall under that category. But is it right to assume that once they reach a certain age they are 1) not allowed to enjoy some childish things, within reason and 2) would rather be partying and vandalizing the town rather than having more innocent fun?

So now I'm left wondering: for my own child, will there be an age cut-off that I enforce? Will I leave it up to her and just talk to her about it? Why does it make me feel uncomfortable to think of a 17 year old trick or treating rather than say, a 15 year old? And now I think I have an answer - we hope, that as the years go on, our kids eventually start to assume more adult characteristics. Within reason, of course, but by 17 they are almost adults and should be acting more mature, whereas at say, 15, it's sort of up for grabs. More maturity and responsibility, yes! But a balance between that and innocent, childhood fun.

So, would you give candy out to a teenage who was still trick or treating? I think I would. And how about your own kids or future children? Thoughts? I'd love to have a discussion about this, so if anyone is still reading - seriously, comment!

September Is Technically the 7th Month

What a week (and okay, yes, I realize it's not over yet)! You know how you start off thinking one way about something, and then are blind-sided by the fact that you are completely wrong? It occurs just often enough for you to realize that life, despite having organizing principles, must deep down just LOVE chaos? Well, my blog post title describes that kind of thing. September, in the Roman Calendar, was the 7th month (septum meaning "seven" and septimus "seventh" - in Latin).

Well, this week has been like that. I started off Monday with the thought that this would be a boring and annoying week to get through until this weekend, when I had fun plans with friends. And that next week would be way more fun and exciting, because I start childbirth classes, had a dentist appointment, have a baby shower, won't have to work Thursday evening and can watch my shows, etc.

Then on Monday, my dentist's office called - they had a cancellation, would I like to come in tomorrow at 9 for my appointment instead. Naturally, I said yes, because at that point I was totally ready to just get that particular event over with.

So on Tuesday, I go to the dentist (anyone who knows me KNOWS how much I loathe this particular appointment. I am a big wuss, and it's because I hate the sounds at a dentist's office - drills, hooks scraping on teeth, those air nozzles they use. Plus I usually have a cavity or two that needs to be filled). All is fine - I am temporarily reprieved from the whole cavity thing because they don't feel comfortable with x-rays on a 6 months pregnant woman, and don't notice any teeth specifically ready to fall out from rot - so that can wait. Instead, I get a nice cleaning, which wasn't so bad.

I go to work, dreading the soreness my gums will feel later and already looking forward to next week. And then I get this email from my husband saying to call him either at home or on his cell. I already know this is bad, because he NEVER tells me to call him while I'm at work, especially on his cell because he uses that only for traveling and emergencies - he doesn't usually have it with him, even! So I immediately leave the desk and go outside to call. I notice my sister-in-law has also called and kick myself for not setting up voicemail on my phone yet.

He tells me that my dad passed out and they're taking him to the hospital, they think it's his heart. He doesn't have a lot of details, but they're going to St. Theresa's and he'll be going there. I tell him I'll be meeting him there, because there's no way in hell I'm going to NOT be there if Dad has had a heart attack or something. I tell my boss who immediately tells me to take a deep breath, calm down, drive safely, and "Go." Those were her words.

Luckily, I call my sister-in-law back and learn that no, dad's doctor said to take him to Wesley and that my brother is going to be on the way soon.

I realize my husband doesn't know this information. I have forgotten my husband's cell number.

I call my father-in-law, ask him if he has it and could he please call his son and let him know the change. I attempt to drive like I'm in some kind of control, but apparently it was old-man-with-hat driving time and they are all on the same road driving about 20 mph. I do in fact get to the emergency room - and I am the only one there with him, besides doctors. I learn basically nothing, because he has just got there and doesn't really know anything himself.

We wait. My husband gets there with my stepmom (he picked her up). We wait. Finally, we learn it's not his heart, it's not clotting, he passed out because his blood pressure dropped due to an infection. His white count is through the roof and they think it's skin infection turned septic. He gets admitted to Wesley. My brother gets there and stays the night, my older sister is on the way the next day.

My stepmom leaves early because, and I kid you not, she had JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL that weekend after having a hysterectomy. She still has staples and is weak. My husband is worried about me getting an infection - or little MCO, which would be worse.

Dad is still in the hospital. I've missed hours of work, not that anyone at my job cared, but still. He is doing better now, but still in pain, still with a fever and a high white count (but dropping), still weak. His leg is swollen and inflamed. My husband is tired (and we're both annoyed with my OB/GYN, though that's another story), I'm tired, my siblings are tired. My dad is tired. And it's only Thursday - the day I normally have off, but because this is a crazy week and chaos reigns, I volunteered to work and have Friday off instead.

So you see - September MEANS 7, but it's the 9th month. And this week began, in my head, meaning 7 (metaphorically) but was really 9. Aren't I clever?

Waning Days of Summer

And let's all just thank nature and/or whatever deity you believe in for the end of all that heat!! Crap it was hot this summer. Things so far are rather good, thank you for asking. I just went to the doctor today for a four-week prenatal exam. I'm already at 25 weeks. Remember when I was complaining about how slow things were going? Yeah, I think that came back to bite me in the butt. Not that I'm complaining now. Anyway, everything looks good. I've gained 7 1/2 lbs. in the four weeks since my last appointment, so clearly MCO is getting fed. N. says that it must all be belly, because from behind I don't look pregnant. He might just be saying that so I don't cry, but I don't think so. Anyway, everything looks good. Next visit is in 3 1/2 weeks and that's when I get my yummy (or disgusting) glucose screening, along with my regular check-up.

It's also when we have our fourth ultrasound. In this case, it's not just us checking for abnormalities - the doctor wants to check to see if my placenta has moved: in the mid-semester ultrasound, we found out it was in front (or anterior) and low-lying. We're hoping it will have moved up, since I really don't want to have a C-section. Like, really, really, don't want a C-section! But I'm trying not to worry about that.

I am doing more at work (and wish I had my own desk - Ha!) and that's really fun. So far, I've come up with two programs - one for parents and one for kids, that are both inexpensive and not too draining. I have to start planning the story times for next year, especially the ones that will happen when I'm on maternity leave. This week, we're focusing on Banned Books week. Then I'll work on Halloween displays and such. I'm also going to be collaborating with a school librarian and going on school visits to let kids know what resources we have at the public library.

Basically, things are pretty awesome right now.

Paranoia and Book Banning

I got all paranoid today that maybe I was talking too much about pregnancy, parenting, and all that. I never wanted to be THAT woman who can't shut up about herself. Obviously, because I'm talking about it now I'm failing again. But I swear, this post won't all be about the pregnancy, because other than the fact that I'm now craving Cheetos and root beer (caffeine free, made with real sugar, what's not to love?) there really isn't anything new. Well, except that I feel HUGE. That I'm feeling her kick a lot and I think she's learning to kick my bladder, ON PURPOSE, so that I have to get out of bed more often at night. But there really isn't anything new, so I'll settle for talking about all the little things I'm experiencing with the bestie or the husband and go on for now.

We're getting ready for Banned Books week here at the library. I've already started working on the list of kids books to display - the ones that have been challenged. And I realized that maybe my faithful readers (reader?) might like to see some of the ones on the list that people have challenged. Many have been the attempts of banning in schools not public libraries, but there's a fair number that have been challenged in general and I am always surprised because I've never actually had anyone come up to me and complain, even though I try to be prepared for something like that (I live in Kansas, after all). So, here's the list I have (it is by no means complete, I'm just choosing five random titles):

1)Adventures of Huckleberry Finn: Mark Twain
2)The Lorax: Dr. Seuss
3)A Light in the Attic: Shel Silverstein
4)Harry Potter: J.K. Rowling
5)A Wrinkle in Time: Madeleine L'Engele

So, new post...light on the pregnancy stuff. Better or no?

It IS September, and OHMYGOD I Didn't Post

Welcome to the second week of September. I really wanted to post, I did. But I forgot and then got lazy. Will you forgive me?

So here's something fun that I obsess over every. single. day. Pregnancy math. By calendar months (4 weeks each month) I am 2 weeks away from being 6 months pregnant. BUT, each month is actually measured differently, so technically I'm 5 months pregnant - or rather, I'm IN my fifth month.

Then, I get to the fun stuff....in 17 weeks, I will be finished. In 14 weeks, I will be considered full-term. In 5 weeks, there is a 9 out of 10 chance that if I went into labor, the baby could survive albeit with tons of medical intervention. If I do this in months - ie. 4 months, 3 1/2 months - it sounds a lot longer until I'm all full-term and stuff. That must be why people measure pregnancy in weeks.

I also obsess over what to take to the hospital. What I will eat when I actually deliver the girl. What people will think about whatever name we choose. When will I actually go into labor? All of this, every day, and I'm only what? halfway through the second trimester. Oh, deity help me!

This past weekend I actually had off because it was Labor Day weekend. Oh unions, how I love you. N. and I went to Lawrence on Sunday and had cheeseburgers and really yummy fries and extremely yummy root beer. Preferred the cheeseburger I get at Free State and the fries I got at this place (the name escapes me). But oh, yum, the root beer....*drool*...

We went to the zoo on Monday. The temperature was perfect. Thank goodness for fall temperatures. I can actually sleep more comfortably. I can walk again, thus, hopefully, preventing me from turning into an actual cow instead of just preparing to be milked (HA!) And now, I am at work. Clearly, I am working hard - I hope you readers are grateful for my boredom and love of you that I am blogging instead of say, shelving.

And there - my first, and hopefully not only, September post.

It's Almost September

What a boring title...but I honestly couldn't think of anything else. I'm looking forward to the (hopefully) cooler weather, because now that I'm getting bigger and feeling more extreme temperatures, this heat is really starting to bother me. Plus, it'll be nice to go for walks outside without worrying so much about overheating and feeling horrible.

Doctor's appointment went well, I'm gaining weight right on schedule (and luckily not too much so far!), heartbeat was strong, and I only had one complaint about backaches. We reviewed the ultrasound results and found out some semi-worrying news, but only because I'm neurotic lately. The ultrasound itself was great - we've taken every test we could for any anomalies and abnormalities, so we weren't expecting anything like that. But the placenta is anterior (which is why I haven't been feeling a lot, or any, movement/kicks yet) and it's also very low. So far, my doctor isn't worried: she said it's common and will probably move as I get bigger. But it means good news: we get to have another ultrasound in about 8 weeks! We're definitely getting a good collection of sonograms for the baby book.

We're also really starting to talk about parenting and decisions to make: names to choose, for example. Our policy on tv (none until the age of 18 months or so and a strict policy even after that), bedtimes, picky eating (I hope we don't have one but it's pretty probable), traveling (where we want to take her on vacations), babysitters and daycare, school (Montessori if we can afford it), vaccinations and pediatricians (like we'd endanger society by NOT doing vaccinations or listening to our pediatrician) etc. I'm starting a list of parenting books to read or re-read: Parenting Beyond Belief, Happiest Baby on the Block, Dr. Sears' books, etc. I've even got recommendations from friends and even perfect strangers! LOL...

We're both looking forward to moving out in November to our own place and getting a nursery ready and packing for the hospital. We have childbirth class to look forward to and baby showers too. I think both sides of the family are getting more excited - just like we are.

Hopefully, any September posts will be less about pregnancy and more about, well, who knows. But I am glad I've started trying to keep up with my blog again.

Woes of Adulthood

I made a comment a few weeks, maybe a month ago. Being an adult is not as fun as I thought it would be when I was six. Or ten. Or 16. Granted, eventually I learned that I would have to go to school to get a degree, work hard, etc. I was prepared, by 16, of that concept. But all the other things that nothing but life can prepare you for - not just work, but the hours you work (I don't have weekends off and my schedule is not 9-5 - although I chose that, being in the field I love) the pay you get (less than I thought, considering the vital service I do and the fact that we are supposed to be such a prosperous country) all the things you need (or want) that takes more money than you make (and no, I'm not talking about my own jet or exotic vacations...well, okay, maybe the exotic vacations). Bills. And figuring out where to live. And I'm supposed to know how to do all this so that I can actually be a parent!!! I don't think I know enough about being a grown-up to you know, be the actual grown-up. I sometimes still can't believe I'm no longer in high school. Except I look older, bigger, and I don't get up at 6 am every morning to make sure my hair looks good (I don't care anymore).

I've learned though, through mistakes (hard ones to correct) and hopefully that will help in the long run. I'm still young, and so there's time to find that perfect house/condo/apartment. There's still time to save up enough money to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro and swim with dolphins. And adulthood isn't horrible - I mean, I get to have a baby - I'll have one in less than a year! I get to eat ice cream or fast food for lunch if I want to (but sadly, my parents have sort of spoiled that for me, because I end up feeling guilty and then want salad or have a stomachache and then they turn out to be right *the horror!!!*).

Now, does anyone have any ways I can make more money from just sitting on my computer, writing a blog? Or something?

It's A........!!!!!!!!!

Most of you read Facebook posts more often than blogs anymore. But I'm still posting, because this is one of the ways that I can chronicle my pregnancy without having to resort to keeping a journal (I wish I could, but even with time I still don't do it. Call me lazy or inconsistent, I just can't seem to keep one up continuously).

This morning N. and I headed to the doctor's office for the mid-pregnancy sonogram. We've had all the tests they offer (NT and maternal serum testing), including two other sonograms: one at my first prenatal appointment, very quickly just to see if my calculated due date was correct (it was). Then another at 13 weeks (the NT) to check for increased fluid at the back of the neck.

Both were normal and healthy. And then today was the big day - the day they measured everything, checked the amniotic fluid, and the organs, and we got even more pictures and found out the sex.

It's a GIRL!!!!! We're both excited and everything looks healthy. So, in another 21 weeks I will be the mother of a baby girl. I know the family, and close friends, are excited - even if they guessed boy. And at this point we're just in the growing bigger stage.

I can't seem to drink enough milk or eat enough cheese. Last night I craved fish (particularly smoked salmon, which is off limits, but still sounded so good). I'm starting to really show which is nice. And I'm still waiting for movement or a kick. The sonographer said she was moving like crazy - and we could see some of it - but so far I haven't felt anything.

The name will still be a surprise. And I'm looking forward to hearing all the guesses on due dates. Friends are already planning baby showers and mommy-pampering showers.

And I've told my boss and I'm so, so lucky to be working where I am. Libraries are usually more family-friendly than other places to work, but she was so excited for me (even though I haven't worked there that long) and she's going to work with me about scheduling and maternity leave so I don't feel rushed back to work or anything like that. All in all, it's been a pretty good week. Except for a few hormonal outbreaks of emotion. Which I presume is normal.

Anyway, that's the update. I am so excited for this second half of pregnancy. It's finally starting to really sink in that I'm going to be a mom. I just hope I do a good job.

July Closing Post

Summer, it's winding down: school starts in two-three weeks, summer library programs are ending, my vacation is over. I'm ready for fall, to be honest, and not just because being pregnant in 111 degree temperatures is unpleasant. But it is my favorite season.

So let's see....some things that have happened:

1) South Dakota vacation! - Let's face it, it was awesome. My niece Alyssa tagged along, which gave us an extra driver and conversational partner. The first day we took it easy driving and then saw the Buffalo Bill Ranch in North Platte, Nebraska. It was closed due to flooding, but we walked around a bit and then we saw the Golden Spike where the Transcontinental Railroads met. My sister and her fiance and their boys, my dad and stepmom, and the three of us had a nice meet-up and the new future grandparents started with the spoiling: the little Grandavocado got some outfits and a cute toy. We all went to dinner. It was great.

Day two was spent driving and then we got into South Dakota and unpacked the car. We all saw Grandma Regan, which was great because she just looks so much better than she did and was doing so well. The evening was spend relaxing together at the cabins.

Day three was a free day: we all split up and saw different things. Nick, Alyssa, and I drove through Custer State Park, did some hiking, and saw a herd of bison up close and personal - close enough to touch. Then we spend the afternoon at the lake with relatives and I floated around a cool, clear lake on an inner tube.

Day four we spent the day in Spearfish Canyon, hiking up to Roughlock Falls. We had lunch with Grandma and the rest of the relatives - almost everyone - at the Latchstring Inn. Then we became tourists and walked a bit around Deadwood.

Day five was wonderful - it started out at about 50 degrees (we needed sweatshirts) and spend the day at the park, walking in freezing cold water and watching the kids build a dam, go tubing down the creek, and throwing rocks. Grandma managed to spend quite a bit of time there with everyone - it was the true family reunion day.

We spent the last day just hanging out together, relaxing, and talking. Quite frankly, everything went too fast. We spent Monday driving all day which was terribly exhausting.

So there - a not so quick rundown (not that anyone reads this anymore anyway...)

I had a doctor's appointment today and scheduled the diagnostic ultrasound. Heard the grandfruit's heartbeat. Everything is healthy for me and for the fruit. We'll know in two weeks how the growth is going, and hopefully find out the sex. The gambling going on should subside until we get to the due date countdown. Ha!