Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Outside My Comfort Zone....Regrets in Life

Sometimes, when I think back on my twenties (especially my college years) I have to actively reassure myself that people change as they grow up, become more responsible, more independent-minded, more self-assured. Okay....usually. And now that I have a daughter, I struggle with worries that I will want to live my life vicariously through hers. I want her to be brave enough to do all the things I wished I'd done back when I wasn't married, or had a kid...back when I was single (but not really happy about it).

So, for this particular post, I thought I'd write about things I regret NOT doing and how my being so well, afraid, of trying or going outside my comfort zone (or worrying too much about what others thought or will think or what have you) has led to my worrying that with my kid(s), I will push them too much in the other direction instead of instilling in them the confidence to choose for themselves which outside their comfort zone activities or choices they want to do. If any.

1. The Peace Corps.- Looking back now, I really wish I'd joined the Peace Corps and spent two years on my own, living in poverty in a totally foreign place and helping people.

2. Enjoyed being single - I was always sad when I didn't have a boyfriend. I don't know why, because when I DID have a boyfriend it was rarely the relationship I have now with my husband. I wish that I had dated - not had a serious relationship, but just gone out on dates with nice guys that I thought were fun and attractive. Being so focused on the whole "finding someone" thing meant that I wasn't looking or was too distracted to focus on things like joining the Peace Corps.

3. Semester Abroad - I could have tried this. I could have immersed myself in a language and a culture and come out of it able to say, "Well, when I lived in Austria (or Spain) I..." because how cool would that be?

4. Been brave enough to be...well...brave. Fearless. Semi-crazy. To go skydiving, or rock climbing, or hiking through the Grand Canyon. Gone to a ballroom dancing class WITH NOT PARTNER! To say, hey, that sounds fun, I should totally try that! And then try it, even if I couldn't get a friend to do it with me.
Note: In some cases, I had spurts of this (usually right after I broke up with a boyfriend and was ecstatic at being "free"or at least making the best of a broken heart) - this is when I tried horseback riding, went white water rafting, went on an Osage Cultural Retreat and tried (and failed) to make Indian Fry bread and did a sweat, questioned religion and philosophy and why I believed what I did.

5. Questioned more...because questioning can be fun! It took some guy breaking up with me because "that's what God wants" for me to start really looking at the things I believed and why - and changing or adapting those beliefs. I'd probably still be blindly doing or believing whatever I'd done/believed in childhood if I hadn't realized that he was an idiot - but an idiot who'd given me the freedom to question.

6. Made more new friends - this used to be so much easier - I had my old friends, but I never really made new, close friends. I can count on one hand the number of close friends I would turn to if I had a major problem, and most of them are friends from grade school - I need to resolve this.

So there you go - it's a sort of silly list and it's not like people go through life without regrets - that's sort of the point. But if you can learn from them and accept them peacefully, life can be so much better.











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