Mommy Confession

You know, I sometimes like to read mommy blogs and find out what, exactly, other moms are doing right or wrong, or even just to vicariously commiserate with someone I don't know who might be going through the exact same thing I am.

But right now, I am going to put out my OWN mommy confession. Here it is: for the most part (unless she falls asleep in the car) my daughter is STILL being held for naps. This wasn't always the case. I started off trying to get her to sleep in her crib for naps (well, her bassinet at first then her crib). But of course, as a newborn, she didn't want to do that. So she slept in her crib, in my arms until I could lay her down, in her bouncer, in the car, whatever. And then, I started to really try to get her on a schedule so that she would KNOW that it was nap time and she needed to go down in her crib, even if I put her there asleep.

And one day, it worked- I put her down and she had two 90-minute naps. And the next day was okay, but still she slept in her crib. And then came her first cold! My poor baby!!! She didn't feel well and she definitely couldn't breathe. It was miserable for everyone. But I hit upon the solution of holding her while she napped so she could breathe. And she did so much better and got better so much faster with the sleep....only after that, I didn't try very hard to go back to putting her in her crib. I would sit and read my Kindle and she'd sleep, usually 1 1/2 hours or so, and we'd play and all was well. But I felt guilty. She isn't able to sleep with a babysitter or even her father, because I am the only one here during naps and I hold her. She isn't sleeping wonderfully during the night, because I think she thinks eventually I will hold her then. And some of it is just that she is so active now, that I miss all our cuddles from when she was teeny tiny. But that's about my issues, not hers. Plus, I'd really like to get more of my ongoing novel written.

So today, I started, once again, with nap training. She'll be doing a small version of cry it out, which I hate, hate, hate, but which worked well at night when we finally gave in and tried it because she'd been waking up every 45 minutes for weeks! And we got some good long spurts of sleep which was good for everyone. It's not perfect, but I rarely complain.

So now, I am writing this post while watching the clock so I can time when I can go in, and reassure my daughter I am still here and even though things are changing I still love her. I already hate this week.