Saturday, July 02, 2011

Summer of Taking Forever

I'm sure everyone has felt this way at some point or many points in their lives. But this summer seems to be taking freaking FOREVER. Granted, I have a new job and you'd think that with all the hours I'm there it would make time go faster, but amazingly no. Maybe it's because I have so much stuff to look forward to in the future that I'm not enjoying my time now, which is something I really hate doing, but I can't seem to help.

See my list of complaints. Who can help me out? Who wants to sympathize? Anyone. Is anyone still reading this?

1) I'm sick of this heat. Yesterday my car temperature gauge read 111 degrees. And it's barely July.

2) I'm ready for my vacation in South Dakota with my family. I want the attention from everyone and to talk about my little future Regan (and Wyant). I want to have fun with my cousins and their kids and my dad and stepmom. I want to see how my grandma is doing. And I want the cooler temperatures!

3) I'm ready for morning sickness to stop. Only for me, it's more like evening sickness, and sometimes all day nausea. I hate feeling both starving and nauseous at the same time. I hate feeling yucky. And that's the best word for it. Of course, I've just started my first week in the second trimester, so hopefully this will go away pretty quickly.

4) I'm ready to start feeling MCO (the nickname we came up with that fits all the stages: embryo, fetus, baby) move and kick. I'm ready to find out if it is a boy or a girl so I can announce it and get more hugs, and start buying cute little baby clothes and figuring out how we're going to decorate the nursery. And no, I am not really a girly-girl, totally boy kind of person, but I would like to be more prepared - I feel like I'm floundering right now.

5) I've got a movie marathon night planned with Kay, and Beth, and Nate (I hope) again at the end of July or beginning of August. I'm ready to hang out and laugh and talk over movies and feel glad about moving to Kansas (because quite frankly, except for family and friends I am NOT loving this state - and that's a whole other post)

6) I'm ready to move. I love my in-laws but I'm ready for Nick and I to have our own place, even if it's some tiny apartment. I want to put my books up and my couch out and watch tv in my own living room, and cook dinners in my own kitchen, sitting down at a table with my husband.

7)I'm ready for fall. I romanticize fall. I imagine myself, all cutely pregnant, wearing an adorable sweater and hat, walking in falling leaves with my husband. I love Halloween! I want to trick or treat with my nieces and nephews.

8) Holiday season. Why does it take so long to get here and go so fast! Plus, that means we'll be waiting each day for MCO to appear. Taking bets on the date. Enjoying yummy food and family and friends. Presents, and baking, and Christmas lights and music.

And finally, somehow, I'm not enjoying pregnancy as much as I was determined to - I'm finding it an unreal situation that is both awesome and yet strangely slow and fast at the same time and it's freaking me out. I never really romanticized the whole pregnancy period,I've never been one to be like "I can't wait to feel pregnant and experience it" but I always told myself that once I got pregnant I was going to enjoy each freaking moment of it. And there are some I really have enjoyed: telling my family and friends about MCO. Talking about names. Talking about parenting and what we'll be emphasizing and what we don't want to do if we can help it. Seeing how humans develop in the womb, and starting to feel a connection to the future little person, wondering what he/she will be like. Seeing sonograms at the very beginning and at our first diagnostic ultrasound. Worrying about being a good mom (which I think means I'll be okay). But it just doesn't seem real yet.

I'm ready for us to have an actual baby or maybe just for it to seem more real, for the second and third trimesters to get here (I know, I know, it already has- the 2nd anyway). I'm fast-forwarding in my head and not enjoying the moment. So yeah, it's the summer of taking forever. If I had to label it, that's what it would be. And I don't know why I can't just enjoy the moments I have, to be really present.

1 comment:

Kathleen said...

I am so sad that no body commented, that I'm commenting myself so that it no longer reads 0 comments.

Things will seem better. Time is actually moving - and these are not uncommon feelings. Trust me!
Love,
Yourself