I don't know if anyone reads the blogs/sites I link to, but in case anyone does I wanted to point out that I deleted the link for the PhD in Parenting blog site. When I first read it, the blog seemed to be another perspective in parenting techniques, what's good for moms and dads, and kids, etc. But it's developed, or perhaps always was and I missed it, into a blog solely about breastfeeding. And I deleted it, because the author is very supportive of breastfeeding - yay her! I'm certainly not against it - but is also very dismissive of other choices (ie, formula and bottle-feeding). The author seemed to have a very superior attitude AGAINST those who could not or chose not to breastfeed. I hate this kind of thing. It's far too easy lately, or perhaps always, for mothers and women to get all up in arms about being the "best" mom. They have to brag - "Oh, I breastfeed...you don't - well, clearly, you're not a good mom then...etc." (This is mostly attitudinal, although I've actually read it too) or "I had 'natural' childbirth and I'm so superior to you...etc."
So I exercised my prerogative and deleted the link to the site. I certainly have my own ideas about motherhood and parenting and women and women's issues. But one thing I really think is that women find it so easy to think of it as an 'us vs. them' kind of thing. Maybe it's because they don't honestly feel fulfilled in whatever choice they made, they're uneasy; maybe it's a societal non-support thing; maybe they don't realize they're doing it. But I was sick to death of reading this blog and thinking these women are acting sooo superior...and when I'm a mom, eventually, I certainly don't want to hear (even in someone's attitude) how the choices I make for me and my kid(s) are bad because that's 'not how I did it' etc.
I think this is one of those choice issues that people don't realize is a choice issue - we focus so much on abortion, birth control, abstinence, adoption, as the issues/theme of 'choice' that we don't talk about how women need to be able to choose what works for them in regard to being a mother (once they chosen to do so, of course) Now, if a person chooses child abuse, I'm not supportive of THAT obviously - I'm talking more of what works for them as parents and a family. There's no award given out to women who have 'natural' childbirth - so great you successfully had a baby. Get over how you did it and celebrate the event itself. There's no award given out if you do x, y, or z. Why can't we just celebrate women and men who are trying to be the best parents they can, regardless of HOW they're doing it?
Oh, and I know that how you take care of a child can reap personal awards - and that's great to talk about - but when it becomes a superiority thing, it's gone too far.
I guess I've said my piece. And I'd prefer not to get into a debate about how x, y, z, is better for the baby/kid - there are benefits and drawbacks to a lot of choices (childbirth, feeding, discipline, even religion!) but I concede - I may not agree with it...but I'll support it if I think it's in the best interest of kids in general (not in any official capacity of course...). Hopefully this made sense.
2 comments:
People can be very mean, too, about parenting choices. I had a friend who couldnt breastfeed (her kid was a premie, in the hospital for months, etc) and one day they were buying a thing of formula at the walmart, and the Checker started lecturing about how the breast is best and went on and on about it like my friend had even had much of a choice! Jerks.
Sara
Sometimes, it's even meaner, in my opinion, when it's a friend (even a close friend) and it's not intentional -that whole attitudinal thing. Cause it means she's just not aware of the other person's feelings, or doesn't care, or something. At least with a stranger you can be somewhat rude about telling them to back off - you can even tell them to back off without being rude, and you're perfectly justified. I just hate the more superior attitude thing - with perfect strangers I think I'd feel more comfortable saying something like, "you don't know about my life, this is none of your business". Back off, or like if it's a checker - call the manager or the customer service and complain, you know.
Women just don't seem to support each other about some things, at least in action.
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